Ten Word Tuesday

And for my next installment…

Still no voice. This sucks. When will it come back?

Daughter had voice lesson yesterday. Ironic since I can’t talk.

Can’t take it. Finally giving in and going to doctor.

Silence

Slightly weird weekend so far.

I lost my voice three days ago. When I say lost my voice I really mean it. Even now on day three I cannot talk at anything above a tiny whisper. Happily at least I don’t feel too badly. I sound awful but I am not really feeling very sick. It’s pretty unnerving. I like to talk. I don’t like this.

Alex on the other hand is having great fun with it. It gives a new meaning to silent spankings and he has enjoyed teasing me and threatening me with just that.

He has been very sweet actually and taking good care of me but has a little smirk when I complain about not being able to talk. I think he is enjoying this a bit too much. 😉

Coming Into His Own

In the past few weeks he has started to trust that Dd is real and not going away and is really starting to make it his own. He has been great the whole time but lately its like he is more relaxed and comfortable asserting his dominance in response to my submission or to demand more submission from me. It is kind of cool to see.

We have been talking lately about Dd and how he sees it in our lives. Alex is one of the good guys. He is kind and the most honest person I know. He has always taken care of us but like many marriages it was me who was really in charge most of the time. Becoming a Dd couple changed that.

At one point recently I asked him what he would say if I told him I didn’t want to do this anymore, if I wanted to stop doing Dd.

“Is that what you want?” with a note of real concern and surprise in his voice.

No that is not at all what I want. I just wanted to know what you would think if we stopped.

I wouldn’t like it. I would miss it.

But why? What are the benefits for you.

There are many but I like that I am able to really be responsible for us. It is my job and what I should be doing.

Honestly his answer kind of surprised me but in a good way. It’s what I would hope he would say but it was nice to hear him articulate it.

He shows me in big and small ways that he is making this his own. I told you last week about our quick “I’m in charge here” spanking. It is not something he would have felt comfortable doing several months ago but he has grown in his role and is now comfortable asserting himself like that. Twice this week he told me to put my computer down and go to sleep. No set bedtime just him stepping in, in the moment. I guess I could have been annoyed that he was telling me what to do but instead it made me feel special that he cared enough to set this limit.

My post on our rituals started a renewed conversation about punishments and incorporating more rituals there. Happily I haven’t had to learn what those will be exactly yet but I know he has put some thought into how he will do things from now on and I can expect some changes.

The biggest new thing is that I am to come to bed now with no panties. This is really hard for me and feels like a true act of submission. We have played around with it before but I have never kept it up. Well now he has made it clear that it is something he expects. Talk about stepping into his own. It feels a little like “be careful what you wish for” but in a good way.

I used to tease him that he didn’t quite understand the power I was giving him but I truly think he does now. At least for us it took a period of feeling each other out, him seeing what I was comfortable with and me doing the same. I hope that we are never done with that process but it does feel somehow that we have entered a new stage where he knows he can assert himself and he is comfortable doing it. He knows I am serious about my submission and he is more than happy to show me that he takes his role as HoH seriously too.

Ten Word Tuesday

I saw this idea somewhere in my internet surfing and thought it might be a fun thing to do sometimes. Use ten word to describe you at that moment. Ten words. No more. No Less.

There are times when ten words may be all I can manage and others when it might be a real challenge. At those times I reserve the right to use multiple phrases. My blog, my rules right? Since this is the first one this is one of those times. 🙂

Ten words. Not much but hopefully just enough for this.

Watermelon season is coming to an end. So, so sad.

Maintenance Monday. Paddle and strap. Feeling very well cared for.

This journey would be so much harder without my blog.

Quickie

Last week was a little off for us. We are trying to do maintenance on Mondays and Fridays. I don’t even remember now why it didn’t happen on Monday but it didn’t. He left for a trip very early Tuesday morning on what was supposed to be a quick 1 night trip turned into a 4 day slog and him not home until Friday afternoon. No time. No privacy. No spanking.

Today for just a few minutes we were alone and sitting together on the coach. I looked over at him and he asked if I needed some maintenance. Yes I said and he laughed. There was not really enough time to do it right and we both knew it. I am getting pretty antsy but I said I would survive.

Well I think antsy = sassy and the next thing I knew we were headed for the bedroom for a quick “don’t forget whose in charge here” spanking. It was fast, hot and fun and I haven’t quit thinking about it since.

The spanking was really pretty short by our standards but he was deliberate and forceful and then he made sure I felt his dominance in other ways. So hot.

Tomorrow we should have time for real maintenance but I did love our quickie.

Hope you all had fun this weekend too.

Oh and just for fun…

Talking about Rituals

Humans are often creatures of habit. We tend to like the familiar and and take comfort in it. We drive to work a certain way, frequent the same stores over and over, buy the same products, make the same meals, etc. because those things are familiar and bring us comfort.

Rituals do that for us. A ritual is a customary way of operation or behavior. It is an act or series of acts regularly repeated in a set precise manner. They allow us to predict how something will be. Change can be stressful and rituals help keep that stress in check.

Lillian recently wrote a post about her rituals in spanking and wondered whether others used a ritual when they do ttwd. It is something I have been thinking about lately. It is also something that we have been discussing because itis something I wish we had more of especially for punishments.

We don’t have a prescribed ritual either for maintenance or for punishment but that is not to say that we don’t follow certain patterns. Most often for either I am bent over our bed or over his leg with my upper body resting on the bed. I like having the feeling of support and feeling grounded to something. I do like being over the bed and holding onto the pillow really does help me stay in position and keeps me from reaching back.

It depends how much he talks to me during a spanking. During maintenance he may not talk too much. He will lecture when he needs too though and always makes sure I know what a punishment is for. Often our conversation comes later after we are done. We have had some great conversations after a session.

We have talked about developing a set punishment place/position. If we had a routine it  might make the situation seem more serious. Because we do maintenance and playful spankings too, a specific spot/position for punishment might really help both of us get into the right headspace for punishment. He knows all this and has indicated that he likes the idea.

He can be pretty creative when he wants to be and that can include in how he chooses to spank and so even if we get to the point that we have more structured scenarios I still think he will throw things in to keep me on my toes.

It takes time to figure all this stuff out. In the scheme of things we have not been doing this that long, really only for about 8 months. We are different now than we were back then and I am sure we will be different 8 months from now. I learn from him and he learns from me. He learns what works and what doesn’t. We experiment and keep some things and reject others. As we find what works we refine our rituals and with luck and persistence move forward.

I don’t know if we will ever get to the point that he does the same thing all the time but I do know that as he learns more about what works and what doesn’t he will do those things that make this thing we do work best for us.

Journal Entry

I have a book at home that has many recipes that I have collected over the years. It is one of the things I would grab in a fire if I could. It has proven even more meaningful and special recently.

At the very beginning of the book I wrote a journal entry. I meant to use it for that and for keeping recipes. That entry is the only one I ever made. Before this blog I had good intentions of writing a journal but it just never really happened.

That entry was written in 1993 on the day my now 19-year-old son turned 6-months-old and a week before my now 21-year-old daughter turned 2. The descriptions I wrote about what they were like and what they were doing are priceless. In her 21st birthday card I rewrote what I had recorded in the journal about her at 2. I know she will appreciate seeing what I said about her back then.

In that same entry I wrote the following about Alex.

Alex started his MBA two weeks ago with a residency program. He went to class last Friday and will go this Saturday. He will go every other Friday or Saturday. I am glad he is going but I am very apprehensive about this process. He is going to be working so much and studying a lot. I just want to be supportive and help him through this whole thing.

He is such a wonderful man and I am so lucky to have him. I love him so much.

I am really struck all these years later with what I wrote and expressed. I could have written about me. I could have said that I was apprehensive about having a 6-month-old and a 2-year-old and a husband in a MBA program and with a full-time job. I could have written about how his MBA meant no time for myself but I didn’t.

I wrote about supporting him and being there for him. And I expressed my love for him. I feel pretty proud of this.

I had pushed him into the MBA program. He was apprehensive about how much time he would be away from us, as I was, but I knew that as our children grew that the demands they placed on our time would only increase so I wanted him to do it then. It was the right decision. Because they were so little there were no games or recitals to miss and so there were no disappointments there. I knew that the longer he waited the harder it would be for all of us. It was never going to be easy and that was the best time.

Back when I wrote this I would not have considered what I wrote in a submissive context but when I look back I know that was at least a part of it. Making that process easier for him was important. Maybe submissive is not exactly the right term but more like supportive. As his wife I knew that my job was to support him so he could do what he needed for his career and to take care of us.

I’ve said this before, but we went through a lot of time where we had both forgotten those feelings. We had both allowed the pressures of life to come between us. Much of the support had disappeared.

One of the things that I find so beneficial about how we live now is that we don’t allow those pressures to do that anymore. In big and small ways I am more mindful of how what I do throughout my day will affect him and my whole family. It’s hard to explain in a way. The things I do are things that need to be done anyway –  making the bed, keeping the house clean and in good order, making nice meals for the family – but my mindset is changed. Often when I don’t feel like doing something I do it, not because of the possibility of punishment, but because it will make all our lives better and easier in the long run. I feel like in many ways I have returned to the priorities I had then and somehow lost or let fall away. I support him so he can take care of us.

He in turn can be more productive at work and at home because he is not fighting battles everywhere. He has less stress because he can relax at home and not walk into one more conflict. He is able to do what he needs to do because he is supported.

It is so easy to loose sight of what is important. That journal entry allowed me to glimpse an old me that in many ways I had forgotten and who, it turns out, is a lot more familiar than I would ever have thought.

You’re Killing Me Wife – Take II

When last we left this phrase he was a tad exasperated at my sassiness. It was a way to let me know he noticed and that I was now on notice.

I like how he used it this weekend instead.

Saturday we started out with maintenance. He had me over the bed and over his knee. He used his belt and a leather paddle which packed quite a sting. As much as I hate to admit it sometimes, the emotional release I got felt really good. As it often does it led to even more fun activities that had us both pretty worn out by the end. Then I heard…

“You’re killing me Wife!”

Much better!

Related articles

• You’re Killing Me Wife