New Year Old Us

I’m writing again. I’m writing again. If I say it and do it enough I hope it will be an “I think I can! I think I can!” and then an “I knew I could! I knew I could!” kind of thing.

Anyway, like I said before, hello. It feels good to typing again.

Let me tell you a little about the me of 2016. I’m still here and I would love to say that we are going great gangbusters in our Dominance and submission but you know this is about being true and frankly our dynamic is a bit lacking lately. For reasons mostly having to do with privacy and time we have been pretty vanilla of late.

I wish I didn’t need his Dominance so much. I wish I could give him submission all the time and at the same level as I want to even when we are vanilla and busy and I’m not getting Dominance from him. I have thought so much about this. I want to do things for other people. I want to make other’s lives easier especially for my family and most especially for my husband. When I am open and giving and focused on doing everything I can to smooth the way for him it makes me truly happy.

I don’t know why I am wired this way but I am. It took me a long time to recognize it and a long time to put a name to it but I am a submissive. Not out in the world and not as my public persona at all but in my home and with my husband I want to be his help. He does so much for me and for our family. I hope I have said this before, but I will say it now. He truly is the best man I know. He deserves my devotion. He deserves my best.

I wish I were strong enough to always give it but I do need his help to allow that submissive side to come out, and more importantly, to stay out.

I need him. I need to feel his presence. I need to feel structure and walls and limits. I so like the safety I feel in rules. I like knowing where the line is and that he is watching. I like the visibility of rules. And while I don’t like punishments themselves I do need punishment.

I have thought so much about this and I think that is really what it boils down to for me. In order to punish someone you must care. It is a very active thing. You have to set the boundaries, pay attention to the behavior and then actively get involved by taking action when punishing.

You cannot be passive and punish.

For me it is not so much about the spanking itself but about the time, attention, effort, resolve, and commitment that he must demonstrate in order to punish. And it doesn’t have to be spanking. It can be time out, corner time, lines, really anything he comes up with. The point is for me, that he took the time to notice and then had the fortitude to impose himself on me.

As I write this I feel my grown woman modern self cringing. In many ways I don’t know that I will ever loose that struggle of wanting this kind of discipline and attention even in our modern world. I know it is not PC, but that doesn’t diminish this want and need in me.

So I will say it again. I want and need his rules and more importantly his punishments. I want and need his rules and MOST IMPORTANTLY his punishments. I don’t think I have a spanking kink as much as I have a punishment kink.

The problem for me and for us comes in that implementation. Even after 4 years of this we are at different levels. I want and need this so much more than him. I just do. So there’s the struggle. There are so many times that I would punish me if I were in charge. I would not put up with some of the things I do and definitely some of the things I say and how I say them. When I start to feel like that my submission and my doing things for him with a happy and humble heart really diminish. I wish I could say I was stronger than that but I can’t. I need to feel him actively participating. It is a constant struggle.

Anyway, I think that might be a good start for writing again. Admitting your issues is always a big start I hope.

I need his attention and for me that means punishments. I will show him this latter. It is nothing he hasn’t heard before but maybe it will stick this time.

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Happy Valentine’s Day

I was doing a bit of research on Valentine’s day and found this little tidbit. I don’t know about the fertility thing but I will take the spanking!

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History of Valentine’s Day

Like Halloween, the origins of Valentine’s Day are rooted in Paganism, specifically in a Pagan fertility festival known as Lupercalia, says National Geographic. The festival – which was “wildly popular” until the fifth century AD – was celebrated annually on 15 February. It was customary for men to use whips fashioned from the skins of a goat or dog to spank young maidens in order to increase fertility – “an early form IVF if you will,” remarks Tom Chivers in the Daily Telegraph.

Read more: http://www.theweek.co.uk/arts-life/57294/valentines-day-pagan-spanking-romantic-ornithology#ixzz2tKhJIAZc

Spanking Survey

I have had this list of questions in my draft box for a few months and honestly I don’t remember who’s it is. Sorry or I would give credit. Thanks though to whoever did.
Sorry in advance for the weird spacing. I have never been able to figure out how WordPress deals with returns. The spacing in my editor never looks like the finished product. Oh well.
1.) Was there a certain event from your life, that sparked the spanking interest? If so, feel free to share:
I don’t think there was anything specific. I think I have always been interested in spanking. Even as a child I thought about it. It was not really until I started exploring on the internet that I allowed myself to acknowledge this part of myself and bring it to Alex.
 
2.) What do you most often call your HOH/Spanker? (Sir, Master, etc.)
 
When we are alone I call him Sir.
3.) What does your HOH/Spanker most often call you? (Young Lady, Girl, etc)
 
Mostly just my name but sometimes he will call me his good girl. I love that.
4.) We’re building a big spanko bonfire, which one implement are you bringing to toss in?
 
Anything thin and wood but if I could only pick one it would be this long thin wooden spatula we have that is all kinds of surface sting. Hate that.
5.) We all know how many punishments there are to choose from; spanking, lecturing, corner time, etc.. but what about rewards? Do you have a favorite ‘reward’ that is used? If not, what’s something you’d like used as a reward?
He controls my orgasms so if I am good he will give me a “pass”. That is always fun.
 
6.) What’s that one phrase, that when it’s used, you know you’re in trouble?
Come on! (And points to the bedroom.)
 
7.) What’s something you’d like to cross off your spanking bucket list? Being shy is not an option here people. 😉
Hmm. Let’s see. I’m a little crazy but part of me would like to experience a real, strict caning session. (And then part of me, not so much.)
 
8.) Someone comes to you, and says they just started practicing domestic discipline. What’s the biggest piece of advice you can give them?
Be realistic in your expectations. Don’t expect that what you read on other people’s blogs is just going to happen overnight. This is a big change for you both and it takes time and patience and practice to even start to get it right. Also, of course, COMMUNICATE! You have to talk like you never have before and be more open and honest than you ever have been or it just won’t work.
 
9.) Where is the craziest place you’ve been spanked?
Nowhere too crazy. Really just here in the house and almost always in our room. Does the living room count as crazy?
 
10.) We talked about a spanking bucket list, now let’s get a little more into it.. what about a BDSM style bucket list? What’s something you’d like to cross off of that?
As I’ve written we are getting into that more and more. We have talked about wax play but have never done it yet. That might be fun.
 
11.) Is there a punishment you thought you’d never try, but ended up trying and finding effective?
 
We have talked about several alternative punishments but not used too many. I’ll keep you informed…
12.) What is something you wish you knew before you started DD/TTWD?
 
I was completely unprepared for how much I would take to and embrace submission. Allowing him to be my leader has opened me up to a whole new way of thinking and feeling. In some ways I wish I had discovered it earlier but then I think I wouldn’t have been ready for it yet.
13.) If you could take a break from one rule, for one week, which rule would it be?
 
I have not always been the best housekeeper but I have committed to him to provide him with a clean and organized space. It is so much better that way for everyone but sometimes… It would be nice to just ignore all my chores and only do them if I feel like it. A week would be just about the right amount of time. 😊
14.) This might sound like a no brainer at first, but really think about it. If you could only have one sort of spanking in your dynamic, would you rather it be discipline or fun?
 
The discipline aspect of our dynamic is key to helping me feel safe and secure in his Dominance. I love our fun and playful spankings but it is the difficult, discipline ones my mind returns to.
15.) If your HOH/Spanker messed up, and offered to let you spank them, would you? Why/Why not?
No never. I have no desire to spank him and he has no desire to be spanked.
 
16.) What is your favorite form of aftercare?
 
Probably cuddles, but sex is a close second. It really depends on the session and how we are both feeling.
17.) How was DD/spanking brought up to you, or how did you bring it up to your partner?
 
I brought it up to him. We had played around a little before but I was the one to request a more active spanking relationship and that led to me reading Dd blogs and eventually requesting that we start a real Dd relationship for ourselves. It is the best decision we ever made in our marriage and I don’t think I would ever want to go back.
18.) If your spanker could use only one implement from here on out, what would they use?
 
I know if I could pick it would have to be the belt he spanks with. Hard to take but with the forgiveness of leather. If he picked I am guessing one of our big paddles. Very effective and memorable. Actually something I will have to ask him.
19.) Do you have a favorite pair of panties to wear when you know you’re going to be spanked? If so, what are they?
No. Lately he has a shirt he sometimes asks me to wear but no panties are allowed.
 
20.) Unfortunately/fortunately (depending on how you look at it) mind reading hasn’t yet been perfected. What’s something you want your HOH/Dom/Spanker to know? (For example, don’t be afraid to spank harder, or something along those lines.) Don’t be afraid, spill!
Most of the time if he could read my mind he would spank longer, sometimes harder, but definitely longer. It is hard in the moment to ask for more so being able to read my mind here would be helpful.

*Bonus Question (just because it’s fun)- Is there a picture (spanking, dd, Ds, etc related) that you just really love? If so, let’s see it!*
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More Mindful

The new year has come and gone and even though I am very late the first thing I want to do is wish you all a fabulous 2014. While we can never see the future I feel very positive going into this year and hope that it is our best yet.

The holidays here were nice. Mostly slow and relaxing which is the best kind to me. My kids were home which is always wonderful  but man does it put a crimp in our Dd style. Don’t get me wrong. The basics remain but just like the summer pretty much all spanking, for fun or more serious reasons goes away.

I think one of the reasons I know I want this lifestyle so much is how much I miss it when it is curtailed. It is funny really. Because we have these prolonged periods of time where we have to interact without the full resources of Dd we are generally pretty good at maintaining our roles without them. It just isn’t as much fun. And it isn’t easy.

Toward the end of our kid imposed hiatus I could feel myself pulling away and generally not being as open to him as usual both physically and emotionally. Just when I thought maybe I didn’t need the connection that spanking gives as much as I used to I found myself  starting to spiral.

Even after two years I still find it amazing sometimes how much I both want and need that connection.

Anyway last weekend my youngest and I took my oldest back to school and spent a fantastic few days seeing shows and eating good food and generally I just enjoyed my girls.

Well this week has been all about the two of us reconnecting and I am happy to say that it has gone pretty well. We started on Tuesday with a long hard reconnection spanking that we both really needed. He then left for a few days but checked in quite a few times so we kept feeling close. We talked this weekend about taking our dynamic in even more of a D/s direction. I’m not sure I really can define how I see the difference between Dd and D/s except for us I think it is and will be more mindful and more deliberate.  In many ways it will be exactly the same because  what we do has always extended beyond the bedroom and into our everyday lives. But in addition to being my husband and HoH, he has agreed to be my Dominant. I have agreed to be his wife, tih, and his submissive. I’m not saying anything new but his Dominance feeds my submission. The more dominance he shows the more I want to give him my submission.

It feels a bit like a new beginning. Here’s hoping!

So on a lighter note… I hope this makes you smile. It did me. It’s supposed to be from a hotel in Amsterdam.

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Ramblings

I’m writing. I am. I don’t really know what about but I haven’t written in so long I feel like I should. Like I really should say something. Say something.

I started not writing too much in the summer. Kids home means no real spanking going on and what is exciting about that?

Then they went back to school an we found a new rhythm. In many ways it has been a time of growth for both of us. He has started to take the lead more and more and I have really been working on giving him my submission. He is suddenly more confident now and demanding. I love both. I’m not even exactly sure what the trigger was for this change. Maybe it is just time…time to come to an acceptance of the roles and responsibilities of being HoH. Maybe it takes time to try all this on and to find a level of comfort with it kind of like breaking in a new pair of shoes. After we wear them for awhile they just feel right. I think this feels right to him now.

I’m not sure if labels matter and even how they differ exactly but another thing that has changed/helped has been incorporating more D/s into our dynamic. We are Dd but we are also D/s. I don’t know exactly if I’m sure  what the difference even is except that I think for us both it involves intent. It is very purposeful.

There hasn’t been much punishment although most reconnections include at least a little bit of “discussion” about sass. That halo of mine can be a bit askew at times. It feels more natural and less forced.

I haven’t written because we are good right now. I haven’t written because  that seems boring I guess. It’s like sometimes I don’t want to mess that up by over analyzing. You know?

But at the same time I miss blogging and I miss writing. I like having my blog and being able to hash things out here. So I guess what I am saying is that I hope if there is anyone out there still reading, thank you first of all and don’t give up on me because I am here and will be here. I like having my blog. I like all of you.

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So anyway that is where we are. Starting Monday the house will fill again with college kids for winter break with all the joys and challenges that brings. He tested out quiet implements last time we did a reconnection spanking I think to find a way to continue even with everyone home. Here’s hoping.

Thanks for not giving up on me.

Freedom

He just came in and pointed to the bedroom. I knew. I knew that I had broken his rules about his car and it was deserved. It was a quick, sharp reminder to follow the rules. He said if I do it again it will be double. I believe him.

So why do I find myself sitting here with a stingy behind and a smile on my face? It seems such contradiction but it’s true.

When I think about it though I know why.

I like our rules. I like knowing what is important to him and when he is decisive and immediate in enforcing them I know he takes this all seriously.

We spent much of the summer in what I called Dd light. Little privacy meant little ability to enforce our rules. Now that things are back to a more predictable schedule we have both agreed that things that were allowed to slide will not be anymore and that he expects a higher level of compliance. We both welcome this change.

Here’s the thing. Rather than feeling limiting, our rules, our structure give me freedom. I know many would not understand that but it is how I feel. We all have choices to make throughout our day and far too often it is the easy choice that gets made instead of the right choice.

When he makes rules I trust that he has my best interests at heart. He will not always get it right and neither will I but with love and sincere intention we will make progress. If I then disobey him and he provides consequences that builds my trust in him.

When he makes a decision he is taking the decision away from me by making it for me. For example, I don’t have to think about whether or not to exercise because he has already made that choice for me. If I make a different choice then I know he will deal with it. If he really imposes certain rules and behaviors he frees me up to not think about whether to do it or not. By following his will I am “free” to ignore the excuses in my own mind about exercise. Rather than being limiting, when done with care, and love and intention, this is incredibly liberating.

If I know that he means what he says then I am free to give in to his will and give him my submission. If I can trust his Dominance I can really explore my submission. His Dominance allows me to give that to him and grow in my submission.

Because we have this agreement I am “free”  to be always open to him even when I am tired and might not otherwise want to. Many would scoff at the idea of never being “allowed” to say no. For me though it “allows” me to truly show him how important he is to me.

I can submit to things in and out of the bedroom that I might not have been willing to try before because I know he expects it. There is such freedom for me in that.

That is a really important point I think and one the two of us at least had not discussed very much until now. I feel freedom in my submission.

only by

My Spanko Card

I mentioned in my last post how we had barely spanked all summer.

Happily since then we have managed to carve out two kid free times the past two weekends. Finally!

Last Saturday started with a little fun and sexy spanking. Even though it was pretty light and with nothing too ouchy I was soon ooing and owing.

You are pretty squirmy and protesting a lot!

I know but we haven’t done this in a long time.

I don’t know about you. I think we may have to revoke your spanko card!

Who knew there were even spanko cards but apparently I was in danger of loosing mine. Humf!

We had a nice day, spending time together and getting a few things done. Toward the end of our time alone it was becoming clear that he was not really going to spank again and so, not wanting to loose my card, and wanting to do a real maintenance session, I kind of challenged asked if we could do maintenance.

I wasn’t really counting on an all wood spanking but that is what I got. He called it an all white wood afternoon. At the beginning of this journey when I was too curious for my own good I purchased a very long beechwood paddle/mixer and a long crepe spatula from Sur la Table.

sur la paddle

paddle

sur la spatula

spatula

Now Ladies let me just say that wasn’t the smartest thing I have ever done. The spatula is thin and light and one of the stingiest things we own. The paddle has more weight so it is more thuddy but really no better. They are both about two feet long. I hate them both. Add to that a little bath brush action and I was a well spanked girl by the end and feeling in full possession of my spanko card.

Maybe it is just me but that rather serious spanking was exactly what I needed to feel like we were getting back on track. It wasn’t a punishment per se and he didn’t lecture or anything like it was but it helped us both to put anything from the weeks of non spanking behind us and feel like we could move ahead.

Last night we managed again to be kid free! It was actually an anniversary of sorts. Alex took our son back to school so last night was essentially the two-year anniversary of our new life including spanking and eventually Dd. Back two years ago I couldn’t have imagined that we would be living like we are now. I had never heard of Dd and HoH’s. I had never considered living a Dominant/submissive type of life. I just knew that what we were doing was not working at all and if we wanted to stay together and be happy we needed more and somehow that more would and should include spanking.

The fact that it has evolved into a Dd relationship with definite aspects of D/s were not even in my imagination back then but as I look back on that first night two years ago it included aspects of both. Somehow we both were open to what we do now even if we couldn’t name it then.

Last night was all about us. We connected through spanking (thankfully no wood this time) and some really hot fun in the bedroom. When he was done he playfully mentioned my spanko card again and said I had definitely earned the right to keep it. I guess that is what regular maintenance will do for a girl.

This journey has been many things but I wouldn’t change it for the world. I hardly recognize the couple we are today from the broken, unhappy people we were before. Many things have contributed to this and it has been hard work.

For us though that spanko card has been an integral part of this journey. I’m glad I have mine.

Summertime…

summertime

I am sorry that I have not been very active lately. Summer has been a whirlwind of vacation, family visits, ever present teenagers and young adults and some home improvement thrown in for good measure.

Oh and in the middle of it all we celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary. I didn’t always know we would get there but I couldn’t be happier today with where we are. I feel like it is a true accomplishment and milestone.

Every day I think I may have a minute to write here and then it doesn’t happen. I have been able to read a few blogs but don’t have time to comment much. I have done a cosmetic remodel of our master bath (It looks great BTW), hosted family for two weeks, ferried kids to and from camp for weeks, and we managed a week long family vacation earlier in the summer. All in all it has been a very busy summer, much busier than the regular school year with its predictable routines. This summer at least has kind of been exhausting.

As you can imagine all this activity in the house has meant that we have not spanked in many weeks. It’s funny. In many ways our dynamic has not suffered. Don’t get me wrong. We both miss the connection and the closeness but we are pretty practical I guess and we both knew that this would be the case so we are trying to make the best of it.  I guess I would call it Dd light. I try to keep up the respect and to keep to the rules we have but neither of us has been too preoccupied with it. He has shown me his dominance in ways which have been fun and we just try to maintain our dynamic day to day as best we can.

We miss it though. Who would have thought two years ago that I would be looking forward to a return to maintenance spankings and greater vigilance on his part?

In some ways I think this hiatus has been good for us. It has made us appreciate what we gain from Dd.  We are anxious to get started again and re-establish our routine.

A few more weeks and the oldest two will be back at their schools and our youngest back in high school.   In the mean time we are hoping to find a few more stolen moments to spank and play and reignite this thing we do.

The Right Note

Hi all.

I am happy to report that after WEEKS of no privacy and therefore no spanking that we finally were able to reconnect last night.

Even though I know there were times throughout that period that he could/would have given me a punishment spanking last night was not about that at all and he used it to really reconnect us. It was nice.

tone

It’s funny how important tone is to the feeling of a spanking. He made it clear from the beginning that this was not a punishment and so even though he used some really ouchy implements and some he definitely uses for punishments the overriding tone of reconnecting and bringing us back together made it easier for me to stay pretty still and take the spanking.

I’m glad he did it like he did. It has literally been weeks since we last did this and if he had come into this really serious and in a really punitive way I think we would have both lost a lot of the sensuality and connectedness we gained. Our Dd relationship includes the punitive. I need that and want that but I am so glad that is not always the driving force behind all our spankings.

At some point we may need the kind of catharsis that come from a punishment but for now a night of dominance and submission was just the right note.

Thank you Alex.

Just Chugging Along

bench

I have been pretty silent here lately. No real reason and then many reasons. Do you ever feel that way?

Sometimes I think that I should or could write about something and then I think it would be too boring or ordinary and not worth talking about. I don’t have any real progress or struggles to report that I haven’t written about before so I don’t feel like I have much to post.

What I will tell you is that I blame my kids.

Between lessons and performances and plays and recitals, school and moving kids home from college with all the laundry and organizing that entails things have just been extra crazy around here lately.

Yes that’s right. They seem to be everywhere all the time. We can’t seem to get rid of all of them all at the same time and it is driving the two of us just a little crazy. Now don’t get me wrong. I love having all my babies home again but there is zero privacy around here right now.

Here’s the thing. I know that I have been feistier and more dismissive of him than either of us likes and I know he would have taken me OTK last night if he could have and not for a fun playful spanking.

While I hate to make him feel like he has to or wants to do that I have to say I love that he is making his expectations clear. I was too dismissive of him yesterday. Far too many times I brushed past to finish whatever mission I was on at the time and didn’t do what he asked first.

Finally he had had enough and he told me so.

Who is supposed to be your priority?

You are.

Why are you brushing me aside all night?

I don’t know and I recognize that I am doing it. I am sorry.

You are really driving me crazy tonight and if I could you would be getting a correction right now.

Really? I know and I am sorry.

When we do finally get some alone time I know it will be serious. Does it make sense that while I am not looking forward to that but at the same time I am. I am sorry that I disappointed him but I am happy that he notices.

I am trying. Many people including me talk about needing a spanking or two (or three) to reconnect us and get us to that happy submissive place when there is travel and separation and the like. We have all of those things and no chance to spank and reconnect so I have to try extra hard to not let my “I’ve got this” side push her way to the surface too prominently. Argh.

We are both trying. Just him calling me out last night helped some I think. I know he is watching and noticing and that helps. I hope today is better. He is home all day. No need for me to handle it all.

I wondered recently if he was capable of really doing Dd and stepping up and leading like I want him and need him to. It is a familiar worry for many of us. We are better than we were. What I am trying to do is to be more accepting of where we are and what we are both capable of giving.

So that’s us. Just chugging along from day to day. Not much to report and then a lot I guess. Do you ever feel that way?

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