Coming Into His Own

In the past few weeks he has started to trust that Dd is real and not going away and is really starting to make it his own. He has been great the whole time but lately its like he is more relaxed and comfortable asserting his dominance in response to my submission or to demand more submission from me. It is kind of cool to see.

We have been talking lately about Dd and how he sees it in our lives. Alex is one of the good guys. He is kind and the most honest person I know. He has always taken care of us but like many marriages it was me who was really in charge most of the time. Becoming a Dd couple changed that.

At one point recently I asked him what he would say if I told him I didn’t want to do this anymore, if I wanted to stop doing Dd.

“Is that what you want?” with a note of real concern and surprise in his voice.

No that is not at all what I want. I just wanted to know what you would think if we stopped.

I wouldn’t like it. I would miss it.

But why? What are the benefits for you.

There are many but I like that I am able to really be responsible for us. It is my job and what I should be doing.

Honestly his answer kind of surprised me but in a good way. It’s what I would hope he would say but it was nice to hear him articulate it.

He shows me in big and small ways that he is making this his own. I told you last week about our quick “I’m in charge here” spanking. It is not something he would have felt comfortable doing several months ago but he has grown in his role and is now comfortable asserting himself like that. Twice this week he told me to put my computer down and go to sleep. No set bedtime just him stepping in, in the moment. I guess I could have been annoyed that he was telling me what to do but instead it made me feel special that he cared enough to set this limit.

My post on our rituals started a renewed conversation about punishments and incorporating more rituals there. Happily I haven’t had to learn what those will be exactly yet but I know he has put some thought into how he will do things from now on and I can expect some changes.

The biggest new thing is that I am to come to bed now with no panties. This is really hard for me and feels like a true act of submission. We have played around with it before but I have never kept it up. Well now he has made it clear that it is something he expects. Talk about stepping into his own. It feels a little like “be careful what you wish for” but in a good way.

I used to tease him that he didn’t quite understand the power I was giving him but I truly think he does now. At least for us it took a period of feeling each other out, him seeing what I was comfortable with and me doing the same. I hope that we are never done with that process but it does feel somehow that we have entered a new stage where he knows he can assert himself and he is comfortable doing it. He knows I am serious about my submission and he is more than happy to show me that he takes his role as HoH seriously too.

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29 Comments

  1. Lillie

     /  09/21/2012

    Hi Zoe,
    This is a lovely post. Almost every husband has the experience of wanting it to stay in the marriage once they discover it. That is the way it was for Ian. Two weeks in and he wouldn’t discuss it ending.
    How nice you sounds like you are so in love and happy together. Beautiful to read 🙂

    Reply
    • Zoe

       /  09/22/2012

      I’m not sure he was sold at two weeks but he certainly is now.
      We are definitely much happier than we were. That is for sure . Thanks Lillie.

      Reply
  2. Aw, he definitely sounds like one of the good guys, Zoe! Happy to hear things are going really well for you both:)

    Reply
  3. I always had to have panties on in bed, always, until we started this thing we do….:D

    Reply
    • dancingbarez

       /  09/21/2012

      I think its great that you took your time, it takes a solid foundation to make a sturdy house and that is what you have clearly done.

      Reply
    • Zoe

       /  09/22/2012

      Julia, I always wore them to bed and it is quite an adjustment for me. I am still not totally comfortable but I will get there. I guess that’s where the submission comes in. Glad to know I am not alone.

      Dancingbarez, foundations are pretty important. Sometimes it’s hard not to be impatient sometimes but taking time to grow into this has really been best for us at least.

      Reply
  4. Alex sounds like a great guy who really knows how to take care of you! It’s so wonderful to read how well DD is working for you both. Just a few days ago, Blue said something pretty similiar to me as Alex did to you. Like you, I was surprised. He said “I want to take care of you, I’m the man and that’s my job!” Taking care of me has a lot of different meanings…

    Reply
    • Zoe

       /  09/22/2012

      A lot of different meanings huh? I think that’s true of all of us and happily our guys seem to be up to the challenge.
      I kind of love how our guys embrace their roles. Before we did this I don’t think Alex would have been able to express that what he was missing was being allowed to be “the man” but now that we are a Dd couple he appreciates and accepts it.

      Reply
  5. Thanks for sharing this, Zoe. I ask Ward all the time what it is he gets from DD, and I am always a little confused by his answer “Your submission makes me a better man.” But how? So “I like that I am the able to really be responsible for us. It is my job and what I should be doing.” makes it a lot clearer. I’m going to share this with Ward.

    Reply
    • Zoe

       /  09/22/2012

      I do think this makes Alex a better man like Ward said. I’m glad it helped you clarify his answer. It’s so cool how something I write helps you see things and vice versa. Reading about each other’s journeys helps us all move forward I think. Thanks June.

      Reply
  6. Dee

     /  09/21/2012

    I was in full fleecy jammies before! One of the first things to go! ALL of it! Lol! Funnily enough, it’s the one thing that I never ‘forget’ 🙂
    Lovely post, it’s great to see them make it their own and to watch their growth too 🙂

    Dee x

    Reply
    • Zoe

       /  09/22/2012

      I swear there must be a manual they all know about and we don’t have access to. I wonder what else is in that manual that maybe we should know about. 🙂
      It is nice to see their growth in all this.

      Reply
  7. So happy to hear you’re both on board. Isn’t it a wonderful feeling? I often asked myself what they get out of it, but in their own way, they get a lot out of it too. They do a lot in return however, that’s for sure! Have a great weekend, Zoe.

    Reply
    • Zoe

       /  09/22/2012

      They do take on a lot when they do this for us and I continue to appreciate it. Conversations like the one we had give us both a sense of validation I think. It’s nice to know they benefit in their own way. Hope your weekend with Cael is wonderful.

      Reply
  8. So glad to hear things are going so well. Sounds like things have leveled out for you. I hope it stays that way for a long time!!

    Reply
    • Zoe

       /  09/22/2012

      I hope it stays this way too. Level is much easier to take than lots of ups and downs.

      Reply
  9. Slightly Naughty Princess (SNP)

     /  09/21/2012

    Really nice post on the benefits for both of you and we’ve you’ve been and where you are going. Just happy for you both and hope you have a great weekend.

    Reply
  10. Blondie

     /  09/22/2012

    I really like this post. It clarified things that I wonder about sometimes. Thanks for sharing.

    Reply
  11. Michele

     /  09/22/2012

    Such a nice post. You seem so content with where you are with Dd, it’s lovely. It reminds me that this is a very long journey and that it takes time for each of us to find our “groove”.

    I want to thank you again for all your advice and support 🙂

    Michele

    Reply
    • Zoe

       /  09/22/2012

      Hi Michele! If you give it time you will find your groove too. I am happy to help and hope it helps. 🙂

      Reply
  12. This is really wonderful. All the changes are positive and role affirming. I just love the introspection that blogging affords us! Great post! (((hugs)))

    Reply
    • Zoe

       /  09/22/2012

      Glad you liked it. The process of blogging does help so much.

      Reply
  13. Slow an Steady wins….the best relationships!
    I love how you celebrate when you feel you’ve reached a change Zoe. I always did the same thing. It’s hard to read blogs and feel like you just want to jump to their level, if something sounds good. But it’s like rushing a child to grow up. They stop playing on the swings and catching fireflys.
    It sounds like you are enjoying every step of the way!
    H feels the same about “doing his job”.
    Manual? He doesn’t need no stinking manual! lol
    But the “no panties” rule (our first) is still one of H’s favorites. 😉
    At least once, sometimes twice a week I hear H say to put away my laptop and come to bed. Yes, it’s very comforting. I’m often rewarded when I get there too! 🙂
    Congrats on your progress! – E

    Reply
    • Zoe

       /  09/22/2012

      I feel like we have done a pretty good job at trying to be patient with all of this. It takes a while to get your sea legs I guess. I love the swings and fireflies. Think of what we miss if we hurry too quickly.
      Manual or no they do all seem to like the no panty thing. Hmmm.
      Until I started to submit I would never have guessed how comforted and loved being told to go to bed would make me feel. It goes back to him noticing me and us and I love knowing he notices. Thanks Elysia!

      Reply
  14. “There are many but I like that I am the able to really be responsible for us. It is my job and what I should be doing.”

    I love this Zoe! It’s the heart for so many of them…the core of what this is all about. Knowing you trust him to take care of your family. More and more often these days I notice that it’s when the men embrace the leadership piece that they up the ante on the Dd side of things. I know for us that this point was when M began to really hold onto his confidence.

    Like Alex, M doesn’t “ask” me for much but when he does, it’s easy to pay attention.

    It’s so neat to see the growth isn’t it. Elysia is right, it’s really good to celebrate.

    Reply
    • Zoe

       /  09/22/2012

      Embracing leadership which the leads to upping the ante on Dd. I think that is exactly what is going on over here. It is nice to see and you are right. I can see his confidence building.
      I’m getting better at paying attention, not perfect but better.
      Thanks Susie. It feels good to acknowledge him.

      Reply

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