Take Your Medicine

Take your Medicine:

It’s an idiom meaning you accept the consequences of something you have done wrong. You accept your punishment.

When we are sick we often have to do things that are not pleasant at the time but in the end make us feel better and help us to heal. Cough medicine often tastes terrible. Shots that deliver vaccines or healing drugs hurt and no one really likes getting them. But we do it because we know that the benefits of taking the shot or that nasty tasting liquid outweigh whatever temporary discomfort they may bring.

I have been thinking about Dd like this, especially the punishments. Even as a spanko I do not enjoy a true punishment spanking. It is a bit like medicine. Spankings hurt. It is hard sometimes to stay in position and accept a hard spanking. It is hard to know that I have disappointed him and to hear him lecture and tell me so. And I think it is hard for him to do those things as well.

We do them anyway because we know that we are a stronger and better couple because of it. We know we are better with Dd than without.

Knowing all of that doesn’t make it easy though.

When we first started Dd and he started to set up rules for our household there was one thing that happened occasionally around here that absolutely drove him crazy. Every once in awhile the garage door would get left up either at night or when no one was at home and we all know that is not safe at all. It didn’t happen often but when it did it was almost always my fault and so that became one of our first rules. The garage door is to be down all the time and it is my responsibility to make sure that it is. No excuses. No passes. If there is something that I know he will punish for absolutely, it is that. It didn’t take long for me to get the message and I had not been punished for this for many months.

The thing about this rule is that most of the time if I mess up he doesn’t know it. He’s gone a lot so if I slip up it is me who discovers the error. He would never know that I left the door up accidentally when I ran to the store unless I confessed it to him. If I kept my mouth shut I would not have to “take my medicine.”

Last Friday I did leave the door up just like I described. I ran out to the store and when I got back there it was. The door up and no one home. My stomach just sank. He had been gone all week and I had gotten a lot accomplished. I was feeling good about everything and had done nothing in a while to earn a punishment so when I saw the door up I wasn’t happy. I knew this meant that his homecoming was going to have to include something that neither of us really like to do.

The idea of not telling him flitted through my head for a moment. If I didn’t tell he wouldn’t know. But I knew I just couldn’t do that. I had to tell. I had to because not telling would eat away at our agreement and would undermine what we are trying to do. I knew he would spank but I knew that I had to face it and accept it if I was going to be true to this and to us.

He came home and we reconnected with a fun, playful spanking and then when we were snuggling together I confessed.  His reaction was exactly like I thought it would be. Disappointed and resolute. We both knew what it meant. Because of timing he didn’t punish me until Saturday but punish me he did. Not fun or easy but over and done with.

We talked about it later and I asked him about confessing to something that he really would never find out about otherwise. I know I would feel badly knowing that I had done something that I had not confessed but what did he think about it given that he then had to shift his thinking and actions to something that he wasn’t expecting or probably wanted to have to do. I loved his answer. He said that when I have the courage and integrity to confess it shows him how seriously I take this and makes him even more committed to following through on his end. He knows it isn’t easy to tell him something that I know will mean a real punishment spanking but he said he respects me all the more because I do. The medicine brings healing to us both.

So…

That all is great and I was and am feeling all warm and fuzzy about how things turned out on the weekend. Dd in action, working and bringing us together.

Alex is away on a business trip again,  but this time (and this almost never happens) he is away at a fun place and the kids are all sorted out so I get to join him! I leave tomorrow and will spend 5 days laying on a beach and spending some quality time just the two of us (when he isn’t at his conference during the day.) We’re both so excited. Some play time. Some relaxing time. And unfortunately now probably some punishment time.

Can’t believe it. Can’t imagine I did it. I’m really kind of incredulous but when we got home last night after a school function with my daughter and I pulled into the driveway and the garage door was up. My neighbor had been walking behind the car as I was pulling out and I was trying not to hit him and I guess I was distracted and didn’t shut the door. Again.

It felt like a mixture between…

and…

I haven’t done this in months and now twice in four days! Not good. So not good. He doesn’t even know yet. He will find out when I read him this post later today. I just can’t not tell him, no matter the consequences. It will almost certainly be worse than the first punishment because he is having to repeat it and so soon after. I don’t want him to have to punish while we are away but I couldn’t do that to him. Heavy sigh. Heavy sigh.

I have been planning this post since early in the weekend and in fact the first part was written before I left the door up last night. I never expected to have to end it like this but maybe that’s appropriate. I didn’t think I would be talking about taking my medicine and the healing it brings in such an immediate way but there you go. It will be yucky and painful but I will feel so much better and all healed after.

Sun, sand, and spanking. Quite a combination.