Take Your Medicine

Take your Medicine:

It’s an idiom meaning you accept the consequences of something you have done wrong. You accept your punishment.

When we are sick we often have to do things that are not pleasant at the time but in the end make us feel better and help us to heal. Cough medicine often tastes terrible. Shots that deliver vaccines or healing drugs hurt and no one really likes getting them. But we do it because we know that the benefits of taking the shot or that nasty tasting liquid outweigh whatever temporary discomfort they may bring.

I have been thinking about Dd like this, especially the punishments. Even as a spanko I do not enjoy a true punishment spanking. It is a bit like medicine. Spankings hurt. It is hard sometimes to stay in position and accept a hard spanking. It is hard to know that I have disappointed him and to hear him lecture and tell me so. And I think it is hard for him to do those things as well.

We do them anyway because we know that we are a stronger and better couple because of it. We know we are better with Dd than without.

Knowing all of that doesn’t make it easy though.

When we first started Dd and he started to set up rules for our household there was one thing that happened occasionally around here that absolutely drove him crazy. Every once in awhile the garage door would get left up either at night or when no one was at home and we all know that is not safe at all. It didn’t happen often but when it did it was almost always my fault and so that became one of our first rules. The garage door is to be down all the time and it is my responsibility to make sure that it is. No excuses. No passes. If there is something that I know he will punish for absolutely, it is that. It didn’t take long for me to get the message and I had not been punished for this for many months.

The thing about this rule is that most of the time if I mess up he doesn’t know it. He’s gone a lot so if I slip up it is me who discovers the error. He would never know that I left the door up accidentally when I ran to the store unless I confessed it to him. If I kept my mouth shut I would not have to “take my medicine.”

Last Friday I did leave the door up just like I described. I ran out to the store and when I got back there it was. The door up and no one home. My stomach just sank. He had been gone all week and I had gotten a lot accomplished. I was feeling good about everything and had done nothing in a while to earn a punishment so when I saw the door up I wasn’t happy. I knew this meant that his homecoming was going to have to include something that neither of us really like to do.

The idea of not telling him flitted through my head for a moment. If I didn’t tell he wouldn’t know. But I knew I just couldn’t do that. I had to tell. I had to because not telling would eat away at our agreement and would undermine what we are trying to do. I knew he would spank but I knew that I had to face it and accept it if I was going to be true to this and to us.

He came home and we reconnected with a fun, playful spanking and then when we were snuggling together I confessed.  His reaction was exactly like I thought it would be. Disappointed and resolute. We both knew what it meant. Because of timing he didn’t punish me until Saturday but punish me he did. Not fun or easy but over and done with.

We talked about it later and I asked him about confessing to something that he really would never find out about otherwise. I know I would feel badly knowing that I had done something that I had not confessed but what did he think about it given that he then had to shift his thinking and actions to something that he wasn’t expecting or probably wanted to have to do. I loved his answer. He said that when I have the courage and integrity to confess it shows him how seriously I take this and makes him even more committed to following through on his end. He knows it isn’t easy to tell him something that I know will mean a real punishment spanking but he said he respects me all the more because I do. The medicine brings healing to us both.

So…

That all is great and I was and am feeling all warm and fuzzy about how things turned out on the weekend. Dd in action, working and bringing us together.

Alex is away on a business trip again,  but this time (and this almost never happens) he is away at a fun place and the kids are all sorted out so I get to join him! I leave tomorrow and will spend 5 days laying on a beach and spending some quality time just the two of us (when he isn’t at his conference during the day.) We’re both so excited. Some play time. Some relaxing time. And unfortunately now probably some punishment time.

Can’t believe it. Can’t imagine I did it. I’m really kind of incredulous but when we got home last night after a school function with my daughter and I pulled into the driveway and the garage door was up. My neighbor had been walking behind the car as I was pulling out and I was trying not to hit him and I guess I was distracted and didn’t shut the door. Again.

It felt like a mixture between…

and…

I haven’t done this in months and now twice in four days! Not good. So not good. He doesn’t even know yet. He will find out when I read him this post later today. I just can’t not tell him, no matter the consequences. It will almost certainly be worse than the first punishment because he is having to repeat it and so soon after. I don’t want him to have to punish while we are away but I couldn’t do that to him. Heavy sigh. Heavy sigh.

I have been planning this post since early in the weekend and in fact the first part was written before I left the door up last night. I never expected to have to end it like this but maybe that’s appropriate. I didn’t think I would be talking about taking my medicine and the healing it brings in such an immediate way but there you go. It will be yucky and painful but I will feel so much better and all healed after.

Sun, sand, and spanking. Quite a combination.

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32 Comments

  1. Oh how your post hits home for me today. I’ve got some confessing to do and I have wrestled with it in my mind… I know the outcome and I know it’s better in the end (once we get to the end) but it’s hard to think about it all.
    Good luck!

    Reply
    • Zoe

       /  10/16/2012

      For me it is better in the end. Good luck to you too. I hope it goes well for you.

      Reply
  2. Oh, I’m so sorry this happened, Zoe. Sometimes in the hustle it’s hard to be mindful…or mindful of everything. But I’m very much like you. I have to come forward and confess to him, or I am building walls between us. And the cleansing is good. Hope it’s not so terrible, and I hope you enjoy the precious gift of time 🙂

    Reply
    • Zoe

       /  10/16/2012

      Mindful is exactly what I need to be more of and I will be. In the mean time it will be OK and I am so looking forward to the next few days.

      Reply
  3. Blondie

     /  10/16/2012

    I read your post, nodding my head in agreement – I know exactly what you are saying. Dd, the good, the bad and the very good. So glad we are all making this work. Hugs to you. Have a great time.

    Reply
    • Zoe

       /  10/16/2012

      Thanks Blondie, I know we will have fun.
      I love that. The good, the bad and the very good. That’s how it feels. So glad to be making it work.

      Reply
  4. Tess

     /  10/16/2012

    Fessing up is so hard, but that guilt that you feel until you do is no fun either. Hope you have a wonderful vacation! (P spanking aside;)

    Reply
    • Zoe

       /  10/16/2012

      Whatever happens it will be just fine and I feel better when I tell him. It will be all good.

      Reply
  5. Lillie

     /  10/16/2012

    ROFL….Zoe, you are so funny. I giggled like a ninny at those pictures for 5 minutes, imagining your face….
    I am just going to throw this out there, and it will likely reveal why I get in to so much trouble, but I am thinking……why tell?
    I think I would just pretend it never happened, go drink margaritas and sun bake without a tender bum……
    …..but if you do tell, it means you are a very good person. 🙂

    you’re going to tell, aren’t you?

    Reply
    • Zoe

       /  10/16/2012

      Yeah Lillie I actually just told him. I really had to. He is disappointed but said he will wait until after we get back to do anything about it and that is just fine with me. Normally I don’t like waiting but this time I think it is for the best. So I do get to enjoy those margaritas and sun without a sore bum.
      Glad you liked the pics. They seemed appropriate.

      Reply
  6. Marie

     /  10/16/2012

    I understand, I feel like I’m lying if I don’t confess to my Man when I screw up. I’ve tried to keep things a secret too, but that just gets my butt into alot more trouble in the long run. I tried not telling my Man about missing a homework assignment, but then he decided to look over my grade sheet, and the “0” to the left of one of the assignments caught his eye. Then, not only was he disapointed that I missed an assignment since my sucess in college is important to him, but he was also upset he had to find out by noticing it on my grades, not by learning it from me. Also, the guilt you feel from trying to hide something seems to be worse than being punished anyway, and it sure lasts longer.
    Good Luck, and Enjoy Your Vacation! Remind him you’ll be wearing a bathing suit in public, maybe that will help!

    Reply
    • Zoe

       /  10/16/2012

      The guilt is often worse than the punishment at least for me. Not telling is a lie by omission and does make things worse. I hope he wasn’t too hard on you about the grade and that it is all sorted now.
      Can’t wait for the sun tomorrow. Thanks.

      Reply
  7. Jan

     /  10/16/2012

    Hi Zoe, this is my first comment although I have been reading your blog for a while. My husband of thirty years and I have been spanking (well he has!) for a while now and recently I have tried to turn this from strictly fun to dd. he has problems cos he says I dont do anything reallly bad so today we had a practice run!! I feel calmer, happier and cared for. Got a sore rear though. I feel so sympathetic towards you. I think you are lucky that Alex will take your ‘crimes’ seriously, he is really committed to the lifestyle and that is a good thing, hope you can tell yourself that next week. I’m sure my beloved is getting there, my adored Kindle has been confiscated today,after I confessed to buying too many books at the weekend. I hope you both have a lovely holiday and a soundproofed room!

    Reply
    • Zoe

       /  10/16/2012

      Welcome Jan. I am so glad you commented! I love when new people have the courage to comment.
      Most of our rules center around how we treat each other and things that advance our marriage. The garage door falls under the safety umbrella. When he thought about it there were definitely things like that which he was happy to be able to take control of and affect change. I bet your guy can come up with some as well.
      Good luck to you both as you start this journey. It has been a rewarding one for us. Feel free to ask for help. This is a great community and you will find a lot of support.

      Reply
  8. dancingbarez

     /  10/16/2012

    Oh Zoe, I am sorry this happened. Little things like this get me caught up to but I always confess after I finish the inner dialog about having too much on plate to remember stuff like this.

    I am sure you will have a wonderful vacation….that is quite the combination.

    Reply
    • Zoe

       /  10/16/2012

      Yes, quite a combination. For now it looks like we will be sticking to fun spanking for the duration of the trip which is fine by me. That inner dialog is tough sometimes but whatever the excuse I come up with I still decide to end up telling him. He’s a pretty great guy and I know he will have my best interests at heart.

      Reply
  9. Yeah I agree with this one. A lot.
    I love the deer caught in the lights…

    Reply
  10. Cat

     /  10/16/2012

    Sorry this happened Zoe and so soon after the last incident! After reading your blog for a while, I know you are going to fess up. Hope you enjoy your trip after you deal with this bit of unpleasantness.

    Here’s a suggestion for you – my garage door opener sticks so I am in the habit of pulling out of the garage without my seatbelt. I then stop in the driveway, hit the opener and put on my seatbelt while I wait for the door to close. That way, I’m always sure it has closed since I never drive anywhere without my seatbelt. Maybe this would work for you.

    Blessings,
    Cat

    Reply
    • Zoe

       /  10/16/2012

      Great suggestion. I think I will give it a try. I really had been very good about not forgetting and making sure I checked that it was down. I’m not sure what my problem was recently. They say things come in threes but I sure hope that for this two was the limit.

      Reply
  11. Michele

     /  10/16/2012

    Zoe
    Enjoy your time alone together. It sounds like heaven! Sorry you have to get a punishment out of the way first :(. It is wonderful to see how committed you both are.

    Michele

    Reply
    • Zoe

       /  10/16/2012

      Hi Michele. I think it will be heaven and I have at least a slight reprieve for now and I will take it.
      My willingness to tell things like this help him to be more committed and that in turn helps me. I guess it is a little like a circle. When it is working it is good.

      Reply
  12. Slightly Naughty Princess (SNP)

     /  10/16/2012

    Hi Zoe,

    I hope you guys have a wonderful time together! It sounds like fun. I am sorry about the garage door issue, but I was reading thinking “I am proud of you” for confessing and your mature outlook. I am sorry it happened again. But, I know you’ll get through it. Again, travel safely and try to enjoy your time together and getting away! Hugs.

    Reply
    • Zoe

       /  10/17/2012

      Thanks for the well wishes. Getting away will be so nice.
      I’m kind of proud of me too and while he is disappointed he isn’t mad and is also proud that I told him. I will get through it and we will be just fine.

      Reply
  13. Oh you dear, sweet noodlehead! I’m so sorry this happened…but I know that guilt playing on one’s heart is a bad thing. It wipes out bridges and builds walls before we know it. I’m glad you told him the second time and extra glad that you get to go on your little getaway cool and comfy, with a clear conscience.

    This stuff happens. I don’t know how…but it just does. Happens here too!

    Reply
    • Zoe

       /  10/17/2012

      Noodlehead is right!! That is exactly what I am. Oh well. Like you said sometimes stuff just happens. I’m glad I’m not the only one.
      I to am really glad I told him. I started reading the last part to him and he just knew.
      “Zoe, Zoe, Zoe. What am I going to do with you?” he said. That is so him. I am pleased that at least for now I get a reprieve and I am so looking forward to this trip. Hope your week goes well too. Thanks Susie. 🙂

      Reply
  14. I’ve often thought of punishment as medicine as well. Not always punishment either — any spanking is medicine in some form. Sometimes it’s soothing if it doesn’t hurt that much (think neosporine) or sometimes it hurts a lot more when it’s for stress relief or if I’m in trouble. All great points! And gosh I hope it goes okay for you, I’d be pretty nervous myself. (((hugs))))

    Reply
    • Zoe

       /  10/18/2012

      The analogy seemed to fit. It isn’t always fun but it does seem to help us at least. And you are right. It isn’t just the punishments that are medicine. The other types are just as therapeutic.
      It will go fine when it happens and for now I am just enjoying our time together.

      Reply
  15. Gosh Zoe-I am so sorry! I think that happens a lot. You know-how you see a car for the “first”time and then you see it everywhere? I think this is in the same line. You subconscious is getting it out of your system! Are you SURE you should wait? I’d want to get it over with…..And I knew you’d tell! Have a wonderful time.

    Reply
    • Zoe

       /  10/18/2012

      Yeah not telling was really never an option but I would be lying to say that I didn’t think about it. I do hope you are right and I have it out of my system.
      Most of the time I would agree with you and say that I didn’t want to wait but right now I do think it is the best thing. There will be plenty of time once we are home to take care of it. Either way it is what he has decided and what we are doing. Thanks Saoirse.

      Reply
  16. Hmm, I wonder what Freud would say about this. 😉
    My husband corrected things like this before we were Dd. He wants everything locked up tight, and it is as good as done. Just recently however, I almost left the back door unlocked. My heart stopped for a second when I realized how close I’d come to leaving it not only unlocked, but slightly ajar! He’s helped me develop many similar habits to this one. Now I realize just how much he was trying to care for me, and that he was concerned for our safety. He wasn’t just pointing out that I was careless or made a mistake. What’s interesting to me, and your post made me think about it – Is that Dd changed the way I think about what he expects of me, and my family when he makes this kind of rule. It’s really rather comforting when you think about it. I’m sure you agree.
    How nice for you all to have a fun in the sun vacation! Enjoy! 🙂

    Reply
    • Zoe

       /  10/18/2012

      It really is pretty comforting. He wants us to be safe and it is him taking care of us. I think that is another reason why I feel it is important to tell him. He isn’t trying to catch me out on something. This is a real and legitimate concern. The thing about our rules is that I don’t feel like he has that many and so the ones he does have I know are important to him so he needs to know if there is a problem.
      The vacation has been great so far. His conference is over so it should be even better now.

      Reply

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