Sad

Several months ago I told you about a sweet little girl, my neighbors granddaughter, with leukemia. I can’t imagine a family with more love for a little girl and who could have fought harder to bring her back to health but sadly they lost that fight last night and she died.

I didn’t know her, had never even met her but she brought together people in her short life and inspired acts of generosity and kindness that few of us manage in a lifetime. For over a year their network of friends and family kept them fed and cared for. People brought food for the parents every night in the hospital and then extended it to other families going through the same thing, eventually feeding the nurses on duty on both the pediatric oncology floor and then the pediatric ICU. Acts of love and kindness like that and so many others  inspired by one tiny 3 year old little girl.

I feel such sadness for her parents who never gave up hope and for my dear neighbor. Tuck them in your prayers again. No one should go through that.

I will miss the funeral. I wish I could be in two places at the same time. My mom fell and was injured two nights ago. Not sure what will happen there so I will be going to help her and do what I can. I feel rather helpless. I am anxious to get there. I’ve always lived far away and at times like this it is harder than others. She could use a prayer or two as well.

Sorry for the very sad post today but that is what is going on and I needed to write. If you stuck around to the end I appreciate it and your prayers and support.

Happy Easter

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Alex and I wish you all a lovely and blessed Easter.

 

 

Submission Soapbox

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Submission is something I have been thinking a lot about the past few weeks. I love it and I crave it. More than anything I want to serve, please and obey. It makes me feel safe and loved when he is in control.

But it is my choice. It is something that the two of us have decided together. We have chosen this lifestyle, not because his gender makes him superior in any way to mine but because it makes us happy to do so. That is a huge and important distinction.

I submit not because he is male and therefore has some right to my submission or because God or some religion says so, but because giving this level of devotion feels more right than anything I have ever done. I give it. I choose it and I am thankful every day that he accepts it and nurtures my submission with his dominance.

My submission doesn’t diminish my power as a woman but enhances it because it is freely given. For so much of our past submission was something that was expected of women. They were to submit to their husbands no matter what. That is not at all how I see us. I do want to submit but only because I give him that gift; not because of society, or religion or even because he tells me to. There is freedom in my submission because I give it freely.

I come to him willingly and with much thought. The point is not to be a simple submissive wife but to be a partner who truly cares for and does everything possible to make his life and therefore our life happy, peaceful, loving and secure. By providing a nurturing place to come home to I make both our lives easier and more comfortable.

It is all so conscious. I don’t do it out of duty or obligation but out of joy.

For reasons I can’t go into, there has been a lot of discussion in our vanilla life recently about men and women and their roles in life and in marriage. Language and thinking much more representative of the 1950s where women were expected to blindly submit and obey because of their gender has been debated and argued often in ugly ways.

I stand now and forever here to defend a woman’s right to choose her path as a fully equal and important partner in life, marriage, career, the bedroom, anything really. Gender does not determine superiority.

I choose submission. I choose this lifestyle. Ultimately I have the power to give or not give my submission. My husband is the leader in our house, not because he is somehow ordained into that position because he is male or because some religion says so but because we, together decided that we wanted a Dominant/submissive lifestyle. It makes us happy and brings us joy precisely because of that freedom of choice. Nobody, including him, can make me do this and for anyone to suggest to my daughters that they “have” to do this because they are female is abhorrent to me.

I truly don’t know how I would explain any of this to them. They are now and will forever be equal to any man and honestly superior to most. It seems incongruous even to me to be shouting both for and against submission but that is where I am. I think ultimately it comes back to choice. I choose to submit and I choose to be equal. I choose to defend my right to submit and their right not to.

This has been such a strange time and it has caused me to really take a strong look at what we are doing and the reasons and motivations behind it. I would hate for my girls to see either of us as hypocritical because we choose to live like this. But there is that word again. Choose. Choice.

I find joy in my submission and I just hope that they could come to understand that and not judge either of us too harshly.

Stepping off my soapbox now.

Interesting

 

Hello all. Sorry I haven’t answered your questions yet. That post is coming, I promise.

In the mean time I thought I would relate a quick story from the other night which I thought you all might enjoy.

We belong to a really nice country club in our town and spent a beautiful evening recently at a dinner at our club. There were only 30 participants which gives everyone a chance to talk and get to know one another.

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We had assigned seating and our name tags were tied to the napkins with thin rope. The men seated on either side of me found that very funny and joked that they were going to keep the rope for later and bemoaning the fact that it was so short. “Yeah you could probably only tie one ankle with that” one said. We all laughed and I stayed quiet wondering just how widespread TTWD really is.

Then later in the night I joined a conversation where the couples were joking about the wives wearing no underwear. What?

Twice in one very civilized, very vanilla evening.

If these little snippets of conversation are any indication I think our lifestyle may be more prominent than we realize. Interesting.

It’s Been Two Years

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Two years ago I signed up for a WordPress account and wrote a few posts. Alex read them and approved and I very nervously hit publish and A Uniquely Different Life was born. It felt so unique and different to how we were before we started our Dd relationship that the name just sort of seemed an obvious choice at the time.

I also had to pick a name. I think that was fate because I truly just picked  Zoe because I liked it. Then I did some research  on the name and it turns out that in Greek Zoe means Life and in Japanese Zoe means Uniquley Different. What!? Cool. A name for me and the blog were born.

I really cannot thank all you wonderful readers enough for being here and taking time out of your lives to read here in my little corner of blogland.  I have made some real friends and cherish you all more than I can say. I still get a thrill when I see I have a comment. Thanks to you all!

I haven’t always felt like I had as much to say  in the past few months but I think that is normal. Many of the bloggers who started at the same time or before me have gone away or are posting less as well. I am making a concerted effort to post on a more regular basis. I do this for me and for my need to examine the thoughts swimming around in my head but also for the connection to all of you. And it really does help my marriage. Alex is my first and most important reader.

So thanks again to you all. On to year number three!

Have You Met Me?

Last weekend we spent a lovely weekend practicing being empty nesters. Privacy, solitude, spanking, playtime, dinner out, Dominance and submission. Toward the end of the weekend I asked him that. 

Have you met me?

It was Sunday night. He told me that he wanted coffee and banana muffins made by 7:15 the next morning. It was President’s Day the next day and we were kid free so it was a day I could sleep in a bit.

He knows how much I like to sleep in the morning and so I think he was not surprised when I complained.

But then I didn’t just complain. I told him no. And I asked if he had met me implying that he knew I would hate that. He gave in. He let me tell him no and let me sleep.

Here’s the thing. I have thought a lot about it since. Part of me is really happy and thankful for his giving in but a bigger part of me is disappointed.

Have you met me?

Not such an easy question as I might have thought?

The me before we started all of this, and still a big part of me, hates mornings and does everything she can to avoid them. But then there is the me that truly wants, needs and desperately desires to feel his Dominance and my own submission.

The me that is and wants to do her own thing really wrestles sometimes with the me that wants his leadership and control.

There is the me that struggles with herself to accept this need to submit. There is the me that wants to take his direction and yet worries that I shouldn’t feel this way.

And honestly there is a me that pushes and tests to see where the walls are, what the boundaries are and if he cares and will enforce them. What will he do if I tell him no? What will his reaction be? Will he call me out for my disobedience or will he give in?

Such a struggle sometimes. So yes not such an easy question.

He has met me but I have changed. We have changed.

I guess what I am telling him is don’t be afraid to trust that this is real and to push his authority and demand my compliance.  What I am saying is that if he asks something of me, if he decide he wants something that he expect my compliance, expect my obedience.  He should expect my submission. I don’t feel like I did a very good job of it Sunday night or Monday morning.

I’m not going to promise that I am not going to grumble or complain when he asks me to do things I don’t want to do. The internal struggle will continue. But I am working so the me that wants to submit is more prevalent than the me that wants her own way.

Have you met me?

I am a mess sometimes and confuse even myself so I understand that this can and often is confusing for him. But just as I test his willingness to enforce things I understand that sometimes he will test me by asking me to do things I don’t really want to do like getting up early when I don’t otherwise have to or alternately setting a bedtime so that getting up is easier. I won’t always understand or agree with what he tells me to do. Submission is hard.

That’s ok. I trust him and his leadership and where he will take us. He pushes. I pull and hopefully sooner or later we find we are working together smoothly.

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Happy Valentine’s Day

I was doing a bit of research on Valentine’s day and found this little tidbit. I don’t know about the fertility thing but I will take the spanking!

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History of Valentine’s Day

Like Halloween, the origins of Valentine’s Day are rooted in Paganism, specifically in a Pagan fertility festival known as Lupercalia, says National Geographic. The festival – which was “wildly popular” until the fifth century AD – was celebrated annually on 15 February. It was customary for men to use whips fashioned from the skins of a goat or dog to spank young maidens in order to increase fertility – “an early form IVF if you will,” remarks Tom Chivers in the Daily Telegraph.

Read more: http://www.theweek.co.uk/arts-life/57294/valentines-day-pagan-spanking-romantic-ornithology#ixzz2tKhJIAZc

A Request

I could write an update about us and how we are doing. We are good but instead of talking about us I would like to talk about something else today.

My neighbor’s granddaughter has Leukemia. She was diagnosed when she was 2 and is now 3. When she was first diagnosed everyone was of course worried and concerned but survival rates have improved significantly over the years and we were very hopeful that she would make a complete recovery. She had a bone marrow match and received a transplant. We were all certain that would be the cure she needed. Unfortunately that was not the case.

I won’t go into all the specifics but suffice it to say that she is still a very sick little girl.

From time to time we reach out to each other for prayer or positive toughts about something and I can’t think of anyone who needs them more than this little girl. Her parents and family are doing everything in their power to bring her back to the happy healthy girl she was but it is tough going.

So please say a prayer, or send up a wish, whatever you do.  They have a strong support system here and many people praying but she needs all the faith, trust and pixie dust she can get!

Thanks Everyone!

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Spanking Survey

I have had this list of questions in my draft box for a few months and honestly I don’t remember who’s it is. Sorry or I would give credit. Thanks though to whoever did.
Sorry in advance for the weird spacing. I have never been able to figure out how WordPress deals with returns. The spacing in my editor never looks like the finished product. Oh well.
1.) Was there a certain event from your life, that sparked the spanking interest? If so, feel free to share:
I don’t think there was anything specific. I think I have always been interested in spanking. Even as a child I thought about it. It was not really until I started exploring on the internet that I allowed myself to acknowledge this part of myself and bring it to Alex.
 
2.) What do you most often call your HOH/Spanker? (Sir, Master, etc.)
 
When we are alone I call him Sir.
3.) What does your HOH/Spanker most often call you? (Young Lady, Girl, etc)
 
Mostly just my name but sometimes he will call me his good girl. I love that.
4.) We’re building a big spanko bonfire, which one implement are you bringing to toss in?
 
Anything thin and wood but if I could only pick one it would be this long thin wooden spatula we have that is all kinds of surface sting. Hate that.
5.) We all know how many punishments there are to choose from; spanking, lecturing, corner time, etc.. but what about rewards? Do you have a favorite ‘reward’ that is used? If not, what’s something you’d like used as a reward?
He controls my orgasms so if I am good he will give me a “pass”. That is always fun.
 
6.) What’s that one phrase, that when it’s used, you know you’re in trouble?
Come on! (And points to the bedroom.)
 
7.) What’s something you’d like to cross off your spanking bucket list? Being shy is not an option here people. 😉
Hmm. Let’s see. I’m a little crazy but part of me would like to experience a real, strict caning session. (And then part of me, not so much.)
 
8.) Someone comes to you, and says they just started practicing domestic discipline. What’s the biggest piece of advice you can give them?
Be realistic in your expectations. Don’t expect that what you read on other people’s blogs is just going to happen overnight. This is a big change for you both and it takes time and patience and practice to even start to get it right. Also, of course, COMMUNICATE! You have to talk like you never have before and be more open and honest than you ever have been or it just won’t work.
 
9.) Where is the craziest place you’ve been spanked?
Nowhere too crazy. Really just here in the house and almost always in our room. Does the living room count as crazy?
 
10.) We talked about a spanking bucket list, now let’s get a little more into it.. what about a BDSM style bucket list? What’s something you’d like to cross off of that?
As I’ve written we are getting into that more and more. We have talked about wax play but have never done it yet. That might be fun.
 
11.) Is there a punishment you thought you’d never try, but ended up trying and finding effective?
 
We have talked about several alternative punishments but not used too many. I’ll keep you informed…
12.) What is something you wish you knew before you started DD/TTWD?
 
I was completely unprepared for how much I would take to and embrace submission. Allowing him to be my leader has opened me up to a whole new way of thinking and feeling. In some ways I wish I had discovered it earlier but then I think I wouldn’t have been ready for it yet.
13.) If you could take a break from one rule, for one week, which rule would it be?
 
I have not always been the best housekeeper but I have committed to him to provide him with a clean and organized space. It is so much better that way for everyone but sometimes… It would be nice to just ignore all my chores and only do them if I feel like it. A week would be just about the right amount of time. 😊
14.) This might sound like a no brainer at first, but really think about it. If you could only have one sort of spanking in your dynamic, would you rather it be discipline or fun?
 
The discipline aspect of our dynamic is key to helping me feel safe and secure in his Dominance. I love our fun and playful spankings but it is the difficult, discipline ones my mind returns to.
15.) If your HOH/Spanker messed up, and offered to let you spank them, would you? Why/Why not?
No never. I have no desire to spank him and he has no desire to be spanked.
 
16.) What is your favorite form of aftercare?
 
Probably cuddles, but sex is a close second. It really depends on the session and how we are both feeling.
17.) How was DD/spanking brought up to you, or how did you bring it up to your partner?
 
I brought it up to him. We had played around a little before but I was the one to request a more active spanking relationship and that led to me reading Dd blogs and eventually requesting that we start a real Dd relationship for ourselves. It is the best decision we ever made in our marriage and I don’t think I would ever want to go back.
18.) If your spanker could use only one implement from here on out, what would they use?
 
I know if I could pick it would have to be the belt he spanks with. Hard to take but with the forgiveness of leather. If he picked I am guessing one of our big paddles. Very effective and memorable. Actually something I will have to ask him.
19.) Do you have a favorite pair of panties to wear when you know you’re going to be spanked? If so, what are they?
No. Lately he has a shirt he sometimes asks me to wear but no panties are allowed.
 
20.) Unfortunately/fortunately (depending on how you look at it) mind reading hasn’t yet been perfected. What’s something you want your HOH/Dom/Spanker to know? (For example, don’t be afraid to spank harder, or something along those lines.) Don’t be afraid, spill!
Most of the time if he could read my mind he would spank longer, sometimes harder, but definitely longer. It is hard in the moment to ask for more so being able to read my mind here would be helpful.

*Bonus Question (just because it’s fun)- Is there a picture (spanking, dd, Ds, etc related) that you just really love? If so, let’s see it!*
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Evolution

We started Dd over two years ago to fix our marriage. I had done quite a bit of reading and thought that it might help us and it has.

I thought that we would become closer and communicate more. We both have become more respectful and watchful of each other. Many people look at this lifestyle and think it is one sided but I have never really found that. We both have worked hard on ourselves and both work hard to give each other our best. For us that means that he leads us both and I accept his decisions and correction when needed.

I don’t know if others feel this way but the correction or punishment piece is key to all of this for me. I feel safe when he is in control. For me at least having him exercise his right to take me in hand and punish if he feels the need gives me a sense of safety that really nothing else does.

He punished for something over the weekend. I had disobeyed him on something and he made sure that I knew his displeasure with his words and our hairbrush. I hate that thing!

What I didn’t hate was that he did it though. When he sets an expectation and then follows through with a punishment he reaffirms his commitment to this life we have both chosen to live.

It is such a change for our men. Even after two years of living like this I marvel at his willingness to actually give me a real spanking when it is deserved. He has been conditioned his whole life to act the complete opposite and yet he has taken up the responsibility of leadership with all that goes with it.

In my last post I talked a bit about our exploration of D/s. In a way it feels a bit like how we came to Dd. We had done some erotic spanking and I had found some blogs which led us to start behaving as a Dd couple. At the time I had never really thought about Dominance and submission and while I agreed to follow his lead neither of us would have used those terms to describe ourselves, and I certainly would never have characterized either of us as a Dominant or a submissive. But reading and research, and frankly living this and then wanting more, have led us to where we are. Not new really but an extension and evolution of what we are doing anyway.

What I have come to recognize more and more is that being his submissive is exactly what I want to be and that following his lead, his rules, his example makes me feel safer than any other way of being in my life. The more control and Domination he gives me the more I want to be not just submissive, but his submissive.

And it makes me feel feminine. Somehow giving myself over to him completely makes me feel important and safe and loved in a way that nothing else has. When I am able to satisfy him it makes me feel powerful. By letting him lead and by giving him the power I feel my own.

All of this takes an enormous amount of trust. I could not do this with anyone I did not trust completely and I have said before that he is the best and most honorable man I know. He gives all of himself to what he does and now I truly feel like that includes me. Not just our family but me in particular and that makes me feel so special. It is so easy to loose sight of that priority in a marriage and I feel like we are at a place where we are number one for each other.

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I am trying not to jinx any of this by overthinking which can be a problem for me. It feels like a beginning of sorts and beginnings are exciting. After two years it still feels like there is so much we haven’t done and so much more still to learn and I look forward to the where this will take us.

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