I’ll Explain

You said I was driving you crazy.

I am fully aware of that.

That is the point, honestly.

Do something about it.
Yesterday I posted this. I thought I was posting this and the other post from yesterday on my other blog, the private one.

I don’t post such steam of consciousness things here as a rule but maybe it was my subconscious trying to get me to think deeper and so I will let you in a little on what is going on.

Dd and D/s have been essentially non existent here since I wrote last. I was hopeful we were moving forward but then things stalled and felt like they were moving backward.

They still feel that way. We are supposed to talk this weekend. We were supposed to talk last weekend. And the weekend before. You get the picture. I am waiting for him to lead. Still waiting.

I could have brought it up. I could have insisted. I always am the one who does. But we are supposed to have this framework and structure in place in our marriage. I wanted and still want him to use that. He knows things are not ok. But he remains silent. Say something. Do something. I have given him control. Use it.

If I go to him and initiate every conversation when we have issues I am the one who is making things happen. I am the one who is fixing things. I am the one who is leading.

Now don’t get me wrong. I am more than capable of doing that and that is exactly what will happen here again. But. And it’s a big one and one I just can’t get him to see.

I don’t want to.

I don’t know how to make him see that him taking control, being proactive and HIM making sure we are not in separate corners makes me feel safe and secure. I want to feel that we are important enough to him that HE brings us back together.

If you go back and read my history you will see that we were very broken when I brought this lifestyle to him. Over the past 4 1/2 years he has tried on many occasions to be the leader that this lifestyle demands. He does in short bursts but then it stops.

He is fantastic in so many ways but I just am not sure he can do this. I have read many places that you cannot make someone who is not a dominant be a dominant and I think that is our problem. I think he wants to on some level but it is not who he is.

Anyway that is a bit of where we are. If anyone has any suggestions I’m all ears. Willie commented when this post was up yesterday and wondered if I could meet him halfway. It’s a very valid point and I will of course. I just can’t help feeling that it is more of a flip flop of roles than a meeting in the middle. I hope I didn’t loose your comment when I reposted this Willie. It’s a good suggestion.