May was crazy. It was full of incredible highs and unbelievable lows which kept us off balance pretty much the whole time. We are just now starting to find our feet again.
I told you in my last post a bit about my Mom and what she was facing. She fell and has been in both a rehab hospital and now a nursing home while she recovers from her injuries. It is slow going and is obviously hard for her and really for us all. I spent a week there with her but have not been back since. Being far away is so hard sometimes.
I came home from Mom’s for one day and then left to see our daughter graduate from college. It really was one of the most amazing experiences of my life. She is such an accomplished young woman and graduated from an Ivy League University, truly one of the world’s finest schools. Watching my child do this was an almost out of body experience. Proud does not even begin to describe the feelings.
Unfortunately, my father-in-law suffered a heart attack shortly before her ceremony so we knew as we watched that as soon as it was over Alex would be leaving to go to his bedside. Sadly he passed away just a few days later so we all followed to say goodbye and then attend the funeral. I don’t want to say much really but as I know myself, and I’m sure many can attest, loosing a parent is so hard and it was. It will take time to heal.
Going from such lows to such highs and then to even deeper lows took a toll on us both this month but we handled it as best we could. Justifiably so, Alex was really unable for awhile to do anything but grieve and the dynamics of our relationship took a backseat. Leading takes a lot of thought and energy and when you are going through such a difficult time you just don’t have that energy to give. I think one of the things that makes us strong is that he knows he can trust me to step up and take the lead when I need to when situations are tearing at us. I look at it as really an extension of the service I try to give him anyway. Service is about making things smooth and easier for him and for that time making some decisions hopefully did just that.
All this craziness meant that both of us were away from our own home for almost the whole month. We are finally back under the same roof and slowly reestablishing ourselves into our dynamic. We did maintenance for the first time in a long time as a way to reconnect. It helped but it will take time. I’m trying not to ask too much of him and put too many demands on him. I find safety when he is in control and command but I’m not sure he is ready to really assert himself too much yet when he is still grieving and coming to terms with his loss.
We haven’t really talked much but I think if I asked he would say that knowing that I am there in a support role has been a big help to him in getting through this month. Part of that support is actually giving him the space to grieve without asking for too much talk. He needs at analyze things in his own way and a lot of talk is not his way.
I do think the foundation we have built for ourselves and this dynamic has helped us get through the last month. Even when it is in the background, hopefully that foundation has given him something to stand on.