We started Dd over two years ago to fix our marriage. I had done quite a bit of reading and thought that it might help us and it has.

I thought that we would become closer and communicate more. We both have become more respectful and watchful of each other. Many people look at this lifestyle and think it is one sided but I have never really found that. We both have worked hard on ourselves and both work hard to give each other our best. For us that means that he leads us both and I accept his decisions and correction when needed.

I don’t know if others feel this way but the correction or punishment piece is key to all of this for me. I feel safe when he is in control. For me at least having him exercise his right to take me in hand and punish if he feels the need gives me a sense of safety that really nothing else does.

He punished for something over the weekend. I had disobeyed him on something and he made sure that I knew his displeasure with his words and our hairbrush. I hate that thing!

What I didn’t hate was that he did it though. When he sets an expectation and then follows through with a punishment he reaffirms his commitment to this life we have both chosen to live.

It is such a change for our men. Even after two years of living like this I marvel at his willingness to actually give me a real spanking when it is deserved. He has been conditioned his whole life to act the complete opposite and yet he has taken up the responsibility of leadership with all that goes with it.

In my last post I talked a bit about our exploration of D/s. In a way it feels a bit like how we came to Dd. We had done some erotic spanking and I had found some blogs which led us to start behaving as a Dd couple. At the time I had never really thought about Dominance and submission and while I agreed to follow his lead neither of us would have used those terms to describe ourselves, and I certainly would never have characterized either of us as a Dominant or a submissive. But reading and research, and frankly living this and then wanting more, have led us to where we are. Not new really but an extension and evolution of what we are doing anyway.

What I have come to recognize more and more is that being his submissive is exactly what I want to be and that following his lead, his rules, his example makes me feel safer than any other way of being in my life. The more control and Domination he gives me the more I want to be not just submissive, but his submissive.

And it makes me feel feminine. Somehow giving myself over to him completely makes me feel important and safe and loved in a way that nothing else has. When I am able to satisfy him it makes me feel powerful. By letting him lead and by giving him the power I feel my own.

All of this takes an enormous amount of trust. I could not do this with anyone I did not trust completely and I have said before that he is the best and most honorable man I know. He gives all of himself to what he does and now I truly feel like that includes me. Not just our family but me in particular and that makes me feel so special. It is so easy to loose sight of that priority in a marriage and I feel like we are at a place where we are number one for each other.


I am trying not to jinx any of this by overthinking which can be a problem for me. It feels like a beginning of sorts and beginnings are exciting. After two years it still feels like there is so much we haven’t done and so much more still to learn and I look forward to the where this will take us.

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  1. phoenixasubbie

     /  01/28/2014

    Couldn’t agree more….with all of it.
    I don’t feel truly loved if they don’t care enough to punish me.

    • Zoe

       /  01/30/2014

      Hi Phoenix! It somehow is the thing that does it for me. Glad you liked the post.

  2. What a great post Zoe! I completely agree! 🙂

    • Zoe

       /  01/30/2014

      Thanks Grace! It seems like several of us are feeling like this.

  3. quiet sara

     /  01/28/2014

    This is wonderful and it sounds like you are both in such a good place! I agree about how when the dominant gives more, as the submissive you desire more. I get like that too. It’s almost a craving!

    Great post Zoe! 🙂


  4. Blondie

     /  01/28/2014

    Can I hear an Amen.. Your post puts into words the thoughts that I have.

  5. I have been struggling recently to coherently explain the benefits of his willingness to actually punish me vs just spank because he can, this says it all:
    “I feel safe when he is in control. For me at least having him exercise his right to take me in hand and punish if he feels the need gives me a sense of safety that really nothing else does.” Great post 🙂

    • Zoe

       /  01/30/2014

      Thanks River. The punishment side of this really is key for me and I’m glad I am not alone in feeling like this.

  6. Roz

     /  01/29/2014

    Wonderful Zoe and very well said. You have captured my own thoughts perfectly! You sound as though you are in a really good place. I’m so happy for you 🙂


    • Zoe

       /  01/30/2014

      It feels like we are in a good place. Took lots of work but it is well worth it.

  7. Hi Zoe, great post, I hope your new step gives you both greater happiness,
    love Jan.xx

  8. Becky

     /  02/12/2014

    We have practised DD for 5 years now and I couldn’t agree more with your words. I need discipline and this requires Jack to enforce the rules we have agreed to. I hate being punished and find the sanctions humiliating, painful but deserved. I am so thankful that Jack enforced the rules and makes the time and effort to ensure slippages through accident, laziness, arrogance or any other cause are always dealt with sufficient stricture. This helps me to fulfill my role as his wife well which is what I wish to do. Becky

  9. DV

     /  03/02/2014

    This is a very well said post and I think speaks to the heart of many, both Dom and sub, as to what they need from this. Certainly a D/s relationship and discipline isn’t for everyone, but for those like us that need this it can be very fulfilling. I think a lot of what you speak to is the need for rules, expectations and accountability, while knowing the consequences when you don’t meet those expectations. Yet, he also has to uphold his end and follow through with the punishment and holding you accountable for your actions, or inactions as the case may be. All this does take a huge amount of trust as well, as you pointed out.

    Great post and thanks for expressing your side of it, what you are getting from this type of dynamic in your relationship, and the benefits, mentally and emotionally, you see for the both of you.


    • Zoe

       /  03/03/2014

      Thanks DV. It does take both of us doing what we have pledged to each other to do to make this work. Oh and the trust. And the communication. There is a lot but something we find more than worth it.

  10. We have lived a Domestic Discipline life for 3 years now. We found few websites that understand the concept of DD so we started our own website


    We hope to see you all there soon!

    Princess x

  11. T

     /  06/11/2014

    Hello everyone my name is T and i am new to the dd lifestyle and am wondering if anyone can help me to feel better as my role as HoH?

  12. The feelings you express and the way you describe this journey are so similar to others I have read and my own experiences that I have concluded this to be a very natural and normal lifestyle. Thank-you for sharing! http://virginiarue.wordpress.com/


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