Some Struggles

I have thought a lot about how to convey the story of our weekend and I am still not really sure so I think I will just start typing and see how it flows.

It was a weird disconnected weekend. We didn’t communicate well and I felt a little lost.

Communication has not always been our strong point. Often when feelings were hurt or the issue was tough to talk about or deal with things wouldn’t get talked about until one or both of us moved on to something else. It wasn’t healthy and it wasn’t useful but it kept things quiet and outwardly peaceful. It led to a lot of hurt feelings really. Not good.

We are much better now than we were before Dd but unfortunately this weekend was more like the old us and less like the new us.

sad chalk board

This time last year I wrote a post about my weight loss. At the time I was doing pretty well and I ended loosing over 25 pounds. Unfortunately since then I have not been working nearly hard enough and gained more than 1/2 of that back. I don’t feel as good as I did and my clothes don’t fit as well. Pretty much everything about that is worse.

We have a blog that is private and just for us to communicate with each other especially when he is traveling. On that blog I wrote to him and asked him to help me with this in a kind of general way. It is hard and uncomfortable to admit to him that I need his help with exercising and also hard to admit it to you all here on this blog.

The problem is that after a week he had not said much about it so this time I wrote to him again and was very specific in my request. When I didn’t get a response this time I kind of spiraled. I was feeling very vulnerable and frustrated and got more and more grumpy as the weekend progressed. I know he noticed because he told me I was being snippy but that was pretty much it. (I wasn’t actually surprised or unhappy about that. It was the Final Four of March Madness after all.) (College basketball for those outside the US and a very big deal around here.)

By Sunday morning I was kind of a mess. I tend to talk to myself sometimes and I had pretty much talked myself into not saying anything to him. I put up a brave front when I am alone but really as soon as I am with him I can’t hold out and it all comes out. That is what happened.

I asked him if he knew why I was mad and eventually after much talking and quite a few tears from me I got it all out and made him see what was wrong. Old habits and inaction can be hard to break out of even after over a year of doing this and weekends like this remind us just how important it is to stay vigilant. We talked a lot and unlike before Dd we managed to do this and see each other’s point of view without more hurt feelings and fighting.

We are better now. We talked again last night and he has made some new rules for exercise and eating and will provide consequences if I don’t follow through on my end. I feel confident that he understands me better and he will watch out for me. We are going to both do this and hope to both be healthier and more fit.

Accountability is hard. It is hard for the person being watched and it is hard for the watcher. It takes diligence from both parties.

So there you go. I’ve told him. I’ve told you guys. Now I really can’t hide from this and make excuses for myself anymore. Time to get serious and take control of my health.

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26 Comments

  1. willie

     /  04/08/2013

    While Barney and I have only been ‘at this’ for 7 months, I share your pain. We are on a shaky ground on the other side of a much more dramatic ( at least in written words..lol) situation quite similar in a lot of ways. Happy to see you are on the other side and working together again.

    Okay, so I don’t know if you follow Es May’s blog or not but she has started a Spring Fling Challenge. Lots of the lovely ladies around here are participating. I’ve included the link. She’s a lovely lady and you know most of the others participating, not that that matters. Perhaps joining will help too! Like I said to her, nothing like the fear of public, anonymous shame to get a girl motivated !

    http://mynewlifeindd.blogspot.ca/2013/04/ready-set-go-spring-fling-challenge.html?zx=fc26ce03b3e71f5f

    Good luck! willie

    Reply
    • Zoe

       /  04/10/2013

      Public anonymous shame is quite motivating actually. That’s why it is so hard to admit here on my blog. I will check out the challenge. Thanks for the info. I just may do it.

      Reply
  2. I am sorry Zoe. I totally, and really, get this. Asking DH to take over my workout schedule was hard, but so worth it. Now he is not paying attention anymore, and I feel myself sliding….

    I am sorry to hear about your weight loss/gain story. My only advice to you is this: Get back on schedule, pay attention to what you eat, exercise, but don’t get on the scale. Just don’t. Cause in reality weight loss has not much to do with numbers, but your body. Ask your husband to pay attention to your body a little more, and to say something if he thinks he notices a difference, but otherwise, no scale. It takes the pressure off weight loss. Seriously it has for me. I just never get on the scale anymore because every time I do I am either happy or not, mostly not, it is never where I hoped it would be, I would go back to being bad, gain weight…

    Reply
    • Zoe

       /  04/10/2013

      I try not to get on the scale too much just for that reason. I am focusing on exercising and eating more than weight loss with the idea that if I am doing those two things right the weight loss will follow. Thanks for the support.

      Reply
  3. mybeahind

     /  04/08/2013

    Hope thar you feel more energized soon,
    Bea

    Reply
  4. Zoe, I’ve been on a perpetual diet for the last ten years. Haha. When I began my journey of weight loss I weighed 264. Two years later I had gotten down to 215. I’m less now, but that’s because of my thyroid issues so I can’t count that. 🙂

    My point is, TAKE IT SLOWLY. I started enjoying meals by making recipes from The Pioneer Woman’s blog. Everything is fun to make. Not low fat. But what happened for me was I enjoyed cooking and eating a normal portion instead of going crazy. LOL let me know if you want some good ones we’ve tried already. 🙂

    You can do it!
    M.

    Reply
    • Zoe

       /  04/10/2013

      Thanks Maryanne. I’ll have to check out that blog. Sounds like you are doing well. I hope I can do as well. Diets are no fun but hopefully I can make some real changes this time and make some progress.

      Reply
  5. Weight loss is hard. People who struggle, understand. I understand. Sometimes it just feels like life gets in the way of our goals. I’m glad that your HOH has said he will help you. I will pray that God will help you too. Good luck and God bless – Belle L.

    Reply
    • Zoe

       /  04/10/2013

      Your support means a lot Belle. I think having him involved will be the extra motivator I need. Let’s hope so.

      Reply
  6. Roz

     /  04/09/2013

    Zoe, I’m so sorry you went through this. It seems that no matter how vigilant we are those old habits and ways of interacting can occasionally creep back in. I’m glad you were able to talk and work through it and are in a better place.

    Wishing you all the very best with the exercise and diet.

    Hugs,
    Roz

    Reply
    • Zoe

       /  04/10/2013

      Thanks Roz. Old habits are tough to break. Habits in communication. Habits in eating and moving. We have made good progress in the communication so I will keep that in mind as I try to make these other changes. Your support means a lot.

      Reply
  7. What I find hardest is how these kinds of communication efforts can take over a whole weekend and you get to the end of it and find a good place along with some closure but then the weekend is over! You got there though and rounded a corner. The best of luck with the health challenge you have chosen. I’m working at it too and I do so well for a few days and then have a horrible day which always mentally sets me back.

    Reply
    • Zoe

       /  04/10/2013

      Oh Susie you are so right. We actually had quite a bit of just us time but it was kind of wasted with all of this. Oh well at least we did talk and get it worked out. That’s a huge leap forward for us. Good luck with your goals too. We will all have setbacks but hopefully we won’t let that derail us!

      Reply
  8. Sunny Girl

     /  04/09/2013

    We all have our days and it’s the journey that counts not the destination. Wishing ou well with your weight challenge. I think a lot of us on here are facing the challenge too, in one way or another. Good luck to all of us.

    Reply
    • Zoe

       /  04/10/2013

      I think you are right. There are a lot of us that face this. Knowing that really helps. Thanks for being supportive.

      Reply
  9. Tess

     /  04/09/2013

    I think these kinds of communication breakdowns are always going to happen, no matter what. It sounds like, once you worked this one out, you both had a better understanding of each other and how to go forward and that’s a really positive thing!

    Reply
    • Zoe

       /  04/10/2013

      You know it really is a positive thing. I’m actually pretty proud of how well we worked it out in the end. Nobody’s perfect but at least we have and more importantly used the tools we have set up to make us move along smoothly. Thanks Tess.

      Reply
  10. Ami

     /  04/09/2013

    I, too, am trying to eat more healthily and do more exercise. It’s difficult because when I stopped riding horses I found everything else soooo boring. I am now swimming once a week and ‘spinning’ at high intensity for ten minutes a day. This raises the metabolic rate and helps you burn calories even whilst asleep. Honest! I still have a stone to lose before summer and stubbornly refuse to buy any summer clothes until it has gone. It is very hard but this time I am determined.

    I do hope you continue to do well. There are several of us here all trying our best.

    Many hugs and supportive whoops!

    Ami

    Reply
    • Zoe

       /  04/10/2013

      At this point I need to fit better into the clothes I have but I totally know what you mean. I do not want to clothes shop right now that is for sure. I like the whoops. That made me smile.

      Reply
  11. Oh that weight loss journey. It is always up and then down. Many of us struggle with this. We just need to keep at it.
    I am glad the communicating helped and you are in a better place.

    Reply
    • Zoe

       /  04/10/2013

      These are all tough things but we can do it. The communicating and the weight loss, all of it. Thanks Minelle.

      Reply
  12. I think Tess ht it square on the head, Zoe. It happens to all of us I wouldn’t beat yourself up because you fell back to an old habit – because you didn’t let it stay there. You put in some hard work and communication and you came out better. It will take a little time, but that connection will make you stronger yet. All in all, while it was hard, I’d say you had a successful weekend.

    (((hugs)))

    Reply
    • Zoe

       /  04/10/2013

      You know I completely agree. It did end up being a successful weekend. And I can do this. So far so good this week. I have walked every day. Thanks June.

      Reply
  13. hi Zoe, oh god losing weight is really hard. I do loads of exercise (dance Teacher) and still I’m chubby. I think we can only do our best . Hubby is “helping” with what I eat but once menopause and medication hit I have struggled. Just keep trying, do something towards it each day, you know , a little bit of activity or not eating that biscuit , plod on sweetie and you will get there
    love Jan.xx

    Reply
    • Zoe

       /  04/10/2013

      Thanks Jan. I’m hoping that small changes can lead to big results. Like you said I am trying to be conscious of what I eat and I have been doing well so far in the activity department. One day at a tim. Right?

      Reply

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