About Alex

This has been floating around so I thought I would join in and give you all a little look at Alex. (He’s pretty great so…)

1. He’s sitting in front of the T.V., what’s on? SportsCenter or NCIS or Castle

2. You’re out to eat: what kind of dressing does he get on his salad? Blue Cheese

3. The most striking thing about his physical appearance? His hairline.

4. You go out to eat  and have a drink: what does he order? Any kind of fish and a Seven and Seven.

5. Where did he go to high school? A public high school in his home town.

6. What size shoe does he wear? A 10.5

7. If he were to collect anything what would it be? Coins

8. What is his favourite type of sandwich? BLT&E (Bacon, Lettuce, Tomato and Egg)

9. What would he eat every day if he could? Watermelon

10. What is his favourite cereal? Oatmeal or Frosted Flakes

11. What would he never wear? A Speedo

12. What is his favourite sports team? The Cleveland Indians and The Leicester Tigers.

13. Who did he vote for? Not who I voted for.

14. Who is his best friend? ME

15. What is something you do that he wishes you wouldn’t? Leave the radio on in his car so it is on when he starts it. (He hates that.)

16. What is his heritage? All four grandparents were born in Spain.

17. You bake him a cake for his birthday; what kind? German Chocolate

18. Did he play sports in High school? Oh Yeah! Baseball, Football, Basketball and Track.

19.What could he spend hours doing? Yard work

20.What is one unique talent he has? According to him, “Picking a great wife.” Very sweet.

 

Put Yourselves First

I have been thinking about this story for awhile, trying to remember when I heard it for the first time. Romantically I think maybe it was before I got married and I am sure it was repeated then but really it was much sooner than that. It is one of those family stories that I know was told throughout my life and it became part of my consciousness.

This is advice my mom passed to me but it was advice a priest gave them before their own marriage.

“Put yourselves first.”

“Put yourselves first. You will have jobs, and kids, and money problems. You will have all kinds of things happen that you can’t predict or even imagine but if you two have a strong foundation then your family will be strong and you all will be OK.”

My parents had a beautiful relationship. Just like everyone, it wasn’t perfect but they truly loved each other. I think they took that priest’s words to heart and did make themselves our foundation. Our family was built on them and even when there were struggles, and there were many, they were a team and we managed.

My Dad has been dead for 21 years and I truly believe in many ways my mother misses him about the same today as the day he passed. They were made for each other.

Alex and I didn’t always act on this advice during all the years of our marriage but we really try to now.

When we wrote out our commitment to each other at the start of this Dd journey that was the first thing we wrote, that we were rededicating ourselves to put ourselves first before all else. Before jobs, schedules, other family members, and even our kids. That does not at all mean that we are neglecting any of those things and that they don’t sometimes take precedence in time and effort but what we are committed to is making sure that in the midst of what ever distractions we are faced with that we remain in touch and connected. That we touch base with the other to make sure we are OK and that we acknowledge each other.

It is a real shift in how we interact and takes time and effort. Anything worth doing takes effort though and the benefits for our whole family are so worth it.

Kids come into our lives and take so much of our energy that it often seems that we have no time to spare for our spouses. Before I ever had children I was drawn to the quote that says that we should give our children two things. One is roots and the other is wings.

My parents gave me that gift. I hope when my kids are my age they feel the same.

In order for the roots to be strong though we have to be strong and so we have returned to the advice of my mother and the priest who she got it from. We are stronger now than we ever have been. We see each other. We pay attention. We make sure our foundation is strong because that is the greatest gift we can give our kids.

My Turn

I have seen this on several other blogs and I thought it would be fun to play along to. It was fun to do. So now it’s my turn.

1. Where is your cell phone?    On the couch
2. Boyfriend/girlfriend?    Just my guy
3. Hair?    Never been colored
4. Your mother?    World’s champion worrier
5. Your Father?    Gone too soon
6. Your favourite items?    My kitchen gadgets
7. Your dream last night?    I can’t remember
8. Your favourite drink?    Diet Coke, Sangria
9. Your dream Guy/ Girl?    My guy again
10. The room you are in?    My living room
11. Your fear?    Scared of spiders
12. What do you want to be in ten years?    A spanked wife
13. Who did you hang out with last night?    My neighbor, daughter
14. What are you not?    A bad cook
15. Are you in love?    Yes, yes, yes
16. One of your wish items?    Lots of travel
17. What time is it?    One Forty Two
18. The last thing you did?    Stained my deck
19. What are you wearing?    Ugly painting clothes
20. Your favourite book?    The Book Thief
21. The last thing you ate?    A blueberry pancake
22. Your Life?    Pretty darn good
    
23. Your mood?    Pretty darn good
24. Your friends?    All of you
25. What are you thinking about right now?    All these questions
26. Your car?    Gold Mommy minivan
27. What are you doing at the moment?    Typing these answers
28. Your summer?    All kids home 🙂
29. Your relationship status?    Married filing jointly
30. What is on your tv screen?    A Bones rerun
31. When is the last time you laughed?    Just this morning
32. Last time you cried?    On Sunday morning
33. School?    Tuition times three

Happy Wednesday everyone. Break time is over. Time to stain the deck again…

Some Struggles

I have thought a lot about how to convey the story of our weekend and I am still not really sure so I think I will just start typing and see how it flows.

It was a weird disconnected weekend. We didn’t communicate well and I felt a little lost.

Communication has not always been our strong point. Often when feelings were hurt or the issue was tough to talk about or deal with things wouldn’t get talked about until one or both of us moved on to something else. It wasn’t healthy and it wasn’t useful but it kept things quiet and outwardly peaceful. It led to a lot of hurt feelings really. Not good.

We are much better now than we were before Dd but unfortunately this weekend was more like the old us and less like the new us.

This time last year I wrote a post about my weight loss. At the time I was doing pretty well and I ended loosing over 25 pounds. Unfortunately since then I have not been working nearly hard enough and gained more than 1/2 of that back. I don’t feel as good as I did and my clothes don’t fit as well. Pretty much everything about that is worse.

We have a blog that is private and just for us to communicate with each other especially when he is traveling. On that blog I wrote to him and asked him to help me with this in a kind of general way. It is hard and uncomfortable to admit to him that I need his help with exercising and also hard to admit it to you all here on this blog.

The problem is that after a week he had not said much about it so this time I wrote to him again and was very specific in my request. When I didn’t get a response this time I kind of spiraled. I was feeling very vulnerable and frustrated and got more and more grumpy as the weekend progressed. I know he noticed because he told me I was being snippy but that was pretty much it. (I wasn’t actually surprised or unhappy about that. It was the Final Four of March Madness after all.) (College basketball for those outside the US and a very big deal around here.)

By Sunday morning I was kind of a mess. I tend to talk to myself sometimes and I had pretty much talked myself into not saying anything to him. I put up a brave front when I am alone but really as soon as I am with him I can’t hold out and it all comes out. That is what happened.

I asked him if he knew why I was mad and eventually after much talking and quite a few tears from me I got it all out and made him see what was wrong. Old habits and inaction can be hard to break out of even after over a year of doing this and weekends like this remind us just how important it is to stay vigilant. We talked a lot and unlike before Dd we managed to do this and see each other’s point of view without more hurt feelings and fighting.

We are better now. We talked again last night and he has made some new rules for exercise and eating and will provide consequences if I don’t follow through on my end. I feel confident that he understands me better and he will watch out for me. We are going to both do this and hope to both be healthier and more fit.

Accountability is hard. It is hard for the person being watched and it is hard for the watcher. It takes diligence from both parties.

So there you go. I’ve told him. I’ve told you guys. Now I really can’t hide from this and make excuses for myself anymore. Time to get serious and take control of my health.

And Now the Answers – Finally

Hi all. March is over and ideally we would have answered these already but it was a pretty heavy travel month for Alex and so the answers to our questions are coming in April. Sorry for the delay.

Thanks to everyone who asked a question they were fun to talk about and answer. It is finally beautiful weather here and I hope it is the same where you are. Happy weekend!

Grace

Hmmm, well, okay, you asked for it! lol What’s been the biggest positive change you’ve seen in yourself and/or in your relationship since incorporating ttwd? What’s been the biggest challenge?

There are many but I love, love, love that I can’t wait for him to come through the door. I miss him so much now and am so excited when he comes home from work or from a trip. I went a long time basically feeling the opposite, being happy he was gone. Dd has given me my husband back and that really is the best!

I agree. I am happy to come home now which is so much better.

My biggest challenge is not letting my expectations get ahead of me. Because he travels quite a bit we often have to fit maintenance in whenever we can and so sometimes I have been disappointed if  he didn’t spank and I thought he would. That also leads to a feeling of urgency sometimes like we have to make it count which makes it seem forced sometimes. I am working on trusting him more when he doesn’t do maintenance because I know he thinks about it too. 

paddled husband

Hmm so many questions I could ask. Ok,how about this? What was the biggest problem you encountered as you started your DD lifestyle together, and how did you overcome it?

It was hard for him to know how long and hard to spank me in the beginning. It took some patience and practice from both of us to get past those first growing pains. We had to learn each other.

It is vital to have a partner that looks out for you like Alex did and does for me. I couldn’t do this if I didn’t trust that he was actively evaluating and looking out for my interests.

Finding the right implements. We broke too many spoons. 🙂

Cat

Hey Zoe…Hope you’re still feeling well. Here’s my question: Do you think that if you had known about it when you were first married, you could have successfully incorporated DD into your marriage? Would love to hear how you and Alex each answer this one or maybe a joint answer?

This is an easy one for me. I have thought about it before and the answer is no way. We were different people then. I was not ready yet to admit even to myself how interested I was in spanking and know I would have rejected the idea of the man being the head of household.

This takes trust on a very deep level and at least for us I think it almost required us to have come from the low place we were so we could really appreciate how close we came to loosing it and how much there is to fight for. We know what is at stake now and battle that much harder to keep what we have and Dd is our tool to do that.

No. It takes a long time to know and appreciate each other. We weren’t mature enough.

Lillie

What is the one area of your lives that has had the biggest noticeable change since beginning dd?
(for both of you)

Open communication. More sex and sexual experimentation.

Yes. We talk both more and have higher quality conversations which are more effective. That is so much better than before and such a change. And he’s right. It has really spiced up our love life which is fun. 

Michele

Hi Zoe
What’s the one thing you still struggle with as a DD wife and how do you deal with it?

Letting go and truly letting him steer. When

It’s a journey and we are constantly learning and adjusting.

Mischief asked,

If you and Alex were animals what would you be and why?

Again, very easy for me. I would want to be a well loved house cat. My cat has the best life. He does what he want when he wants and we humans are essentially at his beck and call. He gets to sleep when, for how long and however he wants. Really what could be better.

When I asked Alex this was the first answer he came up with. It made me laugh so we stuck with it.

Honey Badger because a Honey Badger “takes what he wants.”

.

The Grand Finale

Sometimes things can get downright silly around here.

The other day we managed to get some privacy for some maintenance. It was going pretty well and was mostly lighthearted. He had used several implements and they were all out on the bed.

Finally he said we were almost done but that now it was time for the fireworks grand finale.

That sounded ominous.

He proceeded to explain that in a fireworks display the grand finale was a rapid fire display of all the kinds of shells with extra bangs at the very end.

He translated that concept over to many quick swats from all the implements in rapid succession. He was really very playful about the whole thing and while it was a little tough to take it was way more fun than serious and had us both laughing by the end.

If all we ever did was spank for serious reasons I think it might be hard to keep this up. To me that is one of the benefits of maintenance. It allows us to be more playful at times in our spanking relationship and to keep this all in perspective. Life is too short to be serious all the time and this part of our relationship is no exception. I like his creative silliness.