Natural Dd

piMaking a lifestyle change is never easy. We are creatures of habit and we are comfortable with what we are comfortable with. This can be what we eat, what we wear, the routines of the day. When those routines are different we are thrown off and feel a bit unbalanced.

Dd relationships need that balance. We need to find that flow, that naturalness. It takes awhile.

In the beginning everything is new to both of you. Even the most naturally dominant husband and the most naturally submissive wife will still need to find their grove when Dd is new. For those of us who don’t feel completely confident in those roles finding the point where we are doing this with some confidence can take time. In a perfect world we would each fulfill our roles with grace and commitment in a timely fashion. Our spanking would be a function of this natural relationship.

In a perfect world.

In reality it’s a bit messier. Jobs, travel, kids, house guests. The list of things that can and do take priority over the immediate use of our agreed upon tools in Dd is long. We have “scheduled” maintenance and haven’t been able to do it in over a month. We hope to start again this week and really want to make it a priority in our lives again.

Maybe that will help because lately when we have been able to spank it has felt pretty forced. Not forced because we didn’t want it to happen but forced because we had a precious two hour window when we could “connect” and we felt like we had to make it count or else. It’s not even that we didn’t enjoy those times because we did. But it’s forced. If it goes well we are both really happy and relieved and if it doesn’t then the disappointment feels more immediate, like a lost opportunity.

Alex actually brought this up to me when we  were talking. He doesn’t like it and I agree. Spankings have felt a bit forced around here. We have both worked to stay connected in other ways but I think we need the unique connection we only get through our Dd dynamic.

Hopefully now that everyone is back at school and our schedule is more settled we can get back to it feeling a bit more natural. I like natural.

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25 Comments

  1. Seems like you wrote about my blog here. That is how it feels at the moment to us. Don’t like it. At all.

    Reply
    • Zoe

       /  01/22/2013

      I think we were comment on each other’s blogs at the same time. And yes your post did sound familiar. Here’s hoping we both can get back in the saddle.

      Reply
  2. You’re right Zoe, there are plenty of other things that at times take precedence over DD, particularly spanking. But, like you, I feel that sense of loss when we’re not able to incorporate it into our lives for one reason or another. Sometimes it’s not so much during the busy time or whatever circumstances are keeping us otherwise occupied. Sometimes it’s not until those other things give way a bit so that there’s opportunity again. I hope you’re able to return to your regular maintenance schedule and that it helps both of you to feel like things are flowing along more naturally! (((hugs))))

    Reply
    • Zoe

       /  01/22/2013

      I really hope those opportunities come more often now and that regular maintenance does come more naturally. We both want it to which is important. Thanks Grace.

      Reply
  3. Tess

     /  01/22/2013

    I like it natural too:) I hope you are able to get back to that again now the schedule is back on track!

    Reply
  4. Sara

     /  01/22/2013

    I hope you can find your rhythm again Zoe. The consistency of routine spankings was the one thing that became the glue for us, that made DD work for us overall. It takes making it a priority, and yes, it sure is hard with LIFE happening around us!

    Sara

    Reply
    • Zoe

       /  01/22/2013

      Welcome back Sara. I’ll take some of that glue. With luck and effort we should be able to be at least a little more consistent.

      Reply
  5. SNP

     /  01/22/2013

    I bet since everyone is back at school and that you talked about it then it will be more natural because that is what you both want. I hope it will be sooner than later. Hugs.

    Reply
    • Zoe

       /  01/23/2013

      Me too SNP. I think that it just might get better. I miss my babies but I am glad for the normalcy of the school year.

      Reply
  6. Cat

     /  01/22/2013

    Hey Zoe, I have to agree, I like natural also. Sending positive energy your way that you and Alex to get back to feeling natural soon.

    Blessings,
    Cat

    Reply
  7. Roz

     /  01/23/2013

    Hi Zoe, I agree, I like natural also. it is hard when life gets in the way and takes priority. I can understand spankings feeling forced if you are fitting it in when opportunity arises.

    I hope you are able to return to your schedule soon.

    Hugs
    Roz

    Reply
    • Zoe

       /  01/23/2013

      I think we will. We both want ot and we are both committed to it so that can only help.

      Reply
  8. Susie

     /  01/23/2013

    I hear you Zoe! Our consistent spankings have been a bit off too but life is so nutty that we are both trying to just stay focused and not get too out of sync. I find it really interesting as how each new day goes by without it, that seems harder.

    Reply
    • Zoe

       /  01/23/2013

      It does get harder doesn’t it. We both knew it would be this way so in a lot of ways that made the time off easier to take. We are happy to be back in the flow of the school year. Thanks Susie.

      Reply
  9. Oh, yes. We struggle with making it all fit, and hopefully not feeling like we’ve squeezed our relationship into a time slot. (sigh) That’s life with kids, jobs and other commitments I suppose.
    I’ve actually been thinking about this a lot. I really love the feeling that happen from spanking, but H shows me his dominance in other ways- and that really helps me until “the next time”.
    I wonder if that might help you? Hugs! 🙂

    Reply
    • Zoe

       /  01/23/2013

      Honestly I think it would be impossible not to feel like we are squeezing it in at least occasionally. He was actually really good about bringing in some of the D/s dynamic into things in the last month. It helped immensely. I think we would both really be floundering if he hadn’t. What was nice is he did most of it on his own (with no prodding from me) so that part did feel pretty natural I guess. I love that.

      That being said we both missed the spanking and don’t want to let that part of our dynamic slip away. We’ll get back into the grove I’m sure.

      Reply
  10. I can completely relate. I would love for ttwd to be flowy and natural. It used to be that way when we were living in the same city. However, life gets in the way. Cael and I often have only 36 hours in a week to get it in, so we kinda have to take it or wait another week. It’s better than nothing at least! There are smaller things we do during the week that are more natural, such as how I address him or little tasks that flow, but the reconnections definitely have to be planned. I hope you’re able to get more into that natural feeling though 🙂 It is the best!

    Reply
    • Zoe

       /  01/23/2013

      Oh Riley I really feel for you. You know I understand how hard a long distance relationship is and the strain it can cause. Been there and done that. Doing little things through out the week is good. Alex does the same thing when he travels. I hope you are both in the same zip code sooner than later so you can get that natural feeling too.

      Reply
  11. Willie

     /  01/24/2013

    I think this has become one of our biggest obstacles. After months of doing ttwd we are still unable to get a rhythm because of life constantly getting in the way. We have to make it a priority, and yet because it is not flowing naturally it often gets put to the back burner…a vicious cycle . Hopefully one that will get broken soon…until life gets in the way again! Grrrr

    Good luck getting your natural feeling groove back!
    Willie

    Reply
    • Zoe

       /  01/26/2013

      Life getting in the way. Oh yes that is such an issue. It takes commitment but maybe that is good. Hard but good.

      Reply
  12. lillie

     /  01/24/2013

    Hi Sweetie,
    Being aware, and talking about it is the best medicine for overcoming difficulties. I am late commenting, so you are probably getting back on track more every day. Life gets in the way of relationships, though – doesn’t it?
    hugs
    lillie

    Reply
    • Zoe

       /  01/26/2013

      Well Lillie, we are and we’re not. We got to do maintenance once and then an expected weekend of privacy completely fell apart. What can you do? We will just keep chugging along.

      Reply
  13. All you can do is keep trying, right? Life is tricky!

    Reply

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