Why Does It Work?

If you read my last post you know that things have been more than a little stressful around here for the past week. We are still talking and thinking about what to do next with our son but have not made any decisions yet. Still working on it.

Alex was gone all week and I really have never been so happy to see him walk through the door. I made it until we closed the door to our room and then broke down and sobbed in his arms. He was very sweet and held me and let me cry, reassuring me of his presence.

Today the boy is at work and we managed to get our girls out to a movie for some precious and scarce alone time. We both knew that when they left he would spank. I needed it. He needed it. This is only the third time in 5 weeks that we have been alone enough to do this. Even without the events of our week we would have needed it but there was an urgency and immediacy that went with this session.

Before we started we talked about it. We both acknowledged our need and wondered aloud why it works so well. We don’t have any answers we just know it does.

I talked to him about the intensity and how I think because we are spanking so infrequently that we make it “count.” I feel uneasy asking for this but he understood. We talked about how I had been handling everything and he made it clear that he was here for me. We both know this problem is bigger than either one of us but together we can help our boy figure out where to go from here. I needed to let go of some of the tension I have and really feel his presence.

He spanked hard and long and I cried and let some of what I have been holding onto slide away. It somehow felt good to cry but not out of a feeling of helplessness like I have all week.

I appreciate him so much. Doing ttwd goes completely against the way he behaved and treated me before we started. He had never and would never strike me before but we have both come to not only see how well this tool works for us but to need the emotional release we both get from it. When he was done he held me and soothed me and then we moved on to other fun ways to connect.

I don’t know how our current problems will be resolved. Decisions will be made and we will figure it out together.

Ttwd makes me feel so much better. I don’t understand it, I just know that it does and I guess that’s all that counts. He is back and we are moving forward together.

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14 Comments

  1. So glad to hear you were able to find the time to connect. Hang in there. Together you will figure this out.

    Reply
  2. Sounds like this is really working for you guys! Good job! And I understand about making it count…

    Reply
  3. SNP

     /  08/12/2012

    Very glad to read your post, Zoe. I am glad you got the precious time with your husband and the spanking and release you needed. All the best as you make your make desicions.

    Reply
  4. Blondie

     /  08/12/2012

    Zoe, I am glad that you could have some alone time with your husband. Those moments are far and few between. Now that you have reconnected, everything else will fall into place. If you weren’t a great mom, none of this would worry you so much. Take care

    Reply
  5. Oh yes- spanking together makes both of us feel stronger together. Like we have the same agenda, and we can “take on the world”- or just some family or marital difficulty.
    It’s so good to hear that you’re both on-board together. It gives a couple hope and energy.
    Yep- I hear you:how and why?
    Good luck with “tackling the problem.

    Reply
  6. Dee

     /  08/12/2012

    Great to read that you two had some reconnection time. I’m sure everything else will fall into place just as it should. Keep positive.

    Dee x

    Reply
  7. Tess

     /  08/12/2012

    It’s great to see how much you are both getting out of it. Best of luck figuring things out together!

    Reply
  8. Suzie

     /  08/12/2012

    I’m not entirely sure how or why it works either, so if you ever figure it out, let me know. I’m so glad you got the time to reconnect. Sometimes that helps to clear the mind for more important decision making. Hang in there.

    Reply
  9. I’m glad you had such a nice reconnection with your guy. Why does it work? Hmm, when you find the answer, please tell me! It’s a wonder, when you think about it on paper, it is hard to see why it works, but when you reach deeper and look into the emotional connections behin the tactics, you can solve at least a bit of the mystery.

    Reply
  10. I can never put it into words well but there’s something about their presence, their protection, feeling completely safe even while being taken in hand that gives us permission to let out all the guck and emotion. You and Alex were still a team while he was away, but like you said, there’s just something about ttwd that makes it all feel so much better.

    Reply
  11. Kate

     /  08/14/2012

    I recently found your blog and wanted to say Hi. I don’t know why it works either, but I am so glad it does. Also glad you had some time with your hubby.

    Reply
  12. I’m so glad that you were able to have some time for yourselves to reconnect and be there for one another. As for the why…who knows…it just does.

    Reply
  13. Zoe

     /  08/15/2012

    Thanks all! It was so nice to reconnect and feel him there with me. I still don’t know why it works but I’m just happy it does. I appreciate all the support more than I can say.

    Reply

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