Friendships and Gratitude

I’m sitting here thinking about friendship and how people come and go out of our lives. I have/had (not sure the tense I should be using) a friend who I have known for over 25 years. She was my first “adult” friend. You know, the first person who was not a college or childhood friend. Our husbands work for the same company and their careers have often taken parallel  tracks.

For many years we lived in the same town and during that time I counted her as my best friend. We spent many hours in each others houses with kids and husbands, dinner parties and just leaning on each other for support. She and her husband are my youngest daughter’s God Parents. They were very special to me.

About 12 years ago now the company started moving us around for various jobs and we no longer lived in the same city. For a while we kept up by phone and when we would be in their town on business. My children love her and her cooking and we would often try to get together over a meal when we were in town.

Several years ago the guys were up for the same promotion and it went to her husband. We were disappointed but also happy for them. I tried to keep up communication with them but shortly after that she stopped making an effort.

I’m sorry if this seems rambling but there are several reasons that this is all on my mind today. It is my baby girl’s birthday. She is 15 today and I could not be more proud of the beautiful, confident, young woman she is becoming. It makes me sad that they have fallen out of her life. As her God Parents they used to get her a special ornament at Christmas and a piece of nice jewelry on her birthday.

After the promotion that changed. I don’t really care about the gifts but it saddens me that they have basically cut themselves off from her and that our friendship has pretty much evaporated.  I’m not sure but it is like she was embarrassed that they got the promotion and we didn’t. That is what I have always told myself anyway.

We got an email this week from them and they are in our town for a few days. We are meeting them for dinner tomorrow night. I am actually pretty nervous about it. I feel like it will be a lot of small talk and artificially pleasant conversation. I hope I’m wrong. I miss my friend and our former closeness.

Here in the blogging community we have spent quite a bit of time this week thanking and acknowledging our friends around blogland. The Lovely Blog Award has been just that. Lovely.

It is lovely to say thank you, lovely to tell people they are special and are important. In my real life I recently sent a note to a different friend who has moved away and I don’t see anymore. She used to coach my oldest and I made sure to tell her how glad I am she came into my life and my daughter’s life. We don’t do that enough or at least I know I don’t. When she responded she said how it had made her day and how happy it made her. It was nice.

So I will say it again to all of you readers.

Thank you.

Thank you everyone who takes their time to come by and share in my journey for just a little while. Thanks for all the comments and thank you too to all of you who read and don’t comment. Delurking is scary. The first time I commented on a blog my hands were shaking so I get it. I still feel your support though.

Thank you to all the other amazing bloggers who have the courage to share their journeys as well. I truly don’t think I could do this without you.

I encourage all of us to do what we have done this week here but for real life friends. Tell someone they are special, and they matter, and that you are grateful they are there.

At the end of this post I find myself back where I started with a strained friendship that we both probably let slip away. Real friendship is too important for that. I encourage you to reach out to a friend and tell them. It will make their day and yours. And that is lovely.

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15 Comments

  1. Blondie

     /  07/13/2012

    Zoe, your post brought tears to my eyes. I hope that the dinner goes better than you expect. Hope for the best but expect the worst. Maybe telling her how much she means to you and your family will open up the lines of communication. She has probably been missing you as much as you miss her. (((HUGS)))

    Reply
    • Zoe

       /  07/14/2012

      Oh Blondie I didn’t mean to make you cry. We did have a nice evening last night. Maybe things will be better now.

      Reply
  2. dancingbarez

     /  07/13/2012

    Zoe, your post made me cry too…..and it made me feel guilty for not keeping up with my posting/reading for the last few weeks……life gets in the way sometimes. I hope you have a great time at dinner. There are just some friends that no matter how long the time goes by without contact, when you see each other again or talk for the 1st time it just feels like nothing has changed. I hope that happens for you.

    Reply
    • Zoe

       /  07/14/2012

      Life does get in the way sometimes. No worries. Dinner was nice and I tried to just concentrate on the moment and enjoy each being together again and not worry about the past. Thanks for the wishes

      Reply
  3. tess

     /  07/13/2012

    A really great reminder, Zoe. Friendships, all types, are really important and deserve, and need, nurturing!

    Reply
  4. I’ve found that given time most of the time people circle back. I’ve missed them, but it is always interesting to learn where their path took them, and who cam into their lives while I was gone, and to look at my path too. Sometimes I want the circle to go faster than it does, but it always has come ’round so far. I hope the dinner does well.

    Reply
    • Zoe

       /  07/14/2012

      Maybe we are circling back. I’m not sure. It was good to catch up about kids and our lives. It’s a start at least.

      Reply
  5. Slightly Naughty Princess (SNP)

     /  07/14/2012

    Happy Birthday to your daughter. My time is short right now. I jumped on the computer quickly to read this. Important message. Thanks for writing this and friendship-all types are important and we can never tell the people that mean so much in our lives that we love them enough. Glad to be on the journey with you here. Enjoy your weekend. Sorry my comment is all over the place. Hugs.

    Reply
    • Zoe

       /  07/14/2012

      Thanks SNP. It is a pretty cool journey we are on here isn’t it? Thanks for the birthday wishes for my girl. She had a nice day.

      Reply
  6. Ana

     /  07/14/2012

    I am so glad you said that it went well. It is terribly sad when people go out of our lives, but sometimes we are lucky enough to cross paths again. I am glad you got this moment.

    Reply
  7. Zoe, this post was so hearfelt and genuine, I enjoyed reading it. I am so sorry to hear about your friend who drifted off — I do hope that your reunion went well. I agree that the friendships here have been lovely and invaluable. So, thank YOU for being a part of that. I didn’t post the lovely blogger award because I couldn’t choose just 15 blogs that I admired. However, after your post, I’m thinking maybe I can break some rules and post however many I like! I do agree it’s wonderful to acknowledge your friends. I also agree with you about delurking — how scary it can be. Yet, once I delurked, I was hooked! 🙂

    Reply
    • Zoe

       /  07/15/2012

      I was hooked too. It’s so true that after I started commenting that was almost as satisfying as the blog itself. Thanks Riley.

      Reply
  1. The importance of finding time. | Musings of a Female Quixote

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