What a Day

I am really fortunate. I have three amazingly smart, accomplished children. I have watched my two older ones go to top universities after achieving so much in their high school years. This weekend I got to focus on my youngest as we put together an application for a big national program she wants to do this summer.

The process really was like a college application with essays that needed to be written, transcripts and letters of recommendation to be gathered, and a video that we had to produce to showcase her onscreen abilities. Working on a project like this really gave me a chance to see into her academic life and appreciate how great she is. We all think our kids are wonderful but reading how well respected she is by her teachers was gratifying. We spent a beautiful Sunday filming and editing her video and enjoyed spending that time together. I spent several hours yesterday putting the finishing touches on everything, assembling all the parts and then mailing it off. We will see what happens.

This weekend Alex was away doing some camping. I was supposed to get something done for him and it didn’t happen. When he got back he asked if I had done it and I truthfully told him I had tried but when I went the store was closed and I hadn’t been able to get back. By that time I was engrossed in the video and so he ended up doing the errand himself. He wasn’t mad or anything, but he was disappointed that I hadn’t prioritized my time better and he felt disregarded.

Friday night I wrote him a letter asking him to not let me slide when I mess up (maybe I should have done the errand instead of writing the letter). I showed him my letter and he understood. He would have held me accountable anyway but after the letter there really was no doubt. I know, be careful what I wish for right?

On top of all that, we have acquired a loopy johnny and so yesterday morning he tried it out and made sure that I realized how important it is to him that we work as a team and follow through on important errands and the promises we make to each other. He started with a hand spanking, moved to the cane (not too hard)  and finished with the loopy. That thing really does live up to its hype and I definitely got the message.

When he gives me a break he has decided that its a good idea to sit me on the side of the cool tub and leave me there to think. Yesterday he made me hold the loopy while I waited and said it would make me think about what got me “in the bad girl chair”. It made us both laugh a little because he had never called it that before. I have a feeling that has become that spot’s new name.

I hate disappointing him much more than I hate the spanking. I appreciate so much how powerful this tool is for us. Instead of me being defensive that I was just busy with our daughter and disregarding his feelings of being dismissed I looked at it from his perspective and  owned up to how not doing this for him made him feel. We dealt with it through the spanking and we both feel much better.

The rest of the day we enjoyed some much more pleasant adult activities and ended the day fully connected. Who knew that by humbling myself to him both in my mind and body that I would find such power in our relationship. It was a really great day.

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12 Comments

  1. Such a great example of how it makes you stop and consider things from their perspective.

    Reply
    • Zoe

       /  05/01/2012

      Thanks Tess. That is such a change from before. I do try to look at it from his perspective now.

      Reply
  2. Stormy

     /  05/01/2012

    Really good reminder for me. I don’t usually worry about disappointing him enough. I just don’t want him to spank me, so I try to do my tasks. I know I need to think about him more and appreciate his leadership even more than I already do.

    Reply
    • Zoe

       /  05/01/2012

      That’s nice of you to say Stormy. The amount that disappointing him affects me is another unexpected result of Dd. Appreciating his leadership is so important.

      Reply
  3. I can totally relate to you…disappointment is dreadful, it’s what most gets to me as well. Happy to hear he helped you through 🙂 And ouch on the loopy, I’ve heard those are awful!

    Reply
    • Zoe

       /  05/01/2012

      The loopy was pretty awful but the spanking really did set things right. The rest of the day more than made up for it.

      Reply
  4. Dee

     /  05/02/2012

    The benefits of ttwd are quite astounding at times eh. But the LOOPY??? Hide it! NOW! 🙂

    Dee x

    Reply
    • Zoe

       /  05/02/2012

      I don’t think I can hide it now that it is part of our “arsenal”. I will try to avoid it though. 🙂

      Reply
  5. A loopy! Yikes…I think those things are multiplying all over blogland.

    I have to admit that I got a good giggle out of the “bad girl chair.” Hey, it’s nice that while definitely hard, it is a nice cool place for a warm backside.

    I too really struggle with feeling as though I have disappointed my husband. I’d much rather take the consequences of it than live with the feeling of knowing that I let him down.

    Reply
    • Zoe

       /  05/02/2012

      Yeah Susie, the loopy was a yikes and he can be pretty humorous when he wants to be. The cool surface does help actually.
      I think the feeling I have to not want to let him down and the real change in my empathy for his point of view is one of the best and most surprising benefits of this journey. I truly never expected this when we started. I never expected that when I didn’t follow through with something that I would be so attuned to how it looked from his side and then feel so badly that I had made him unhappy. When we follow through on the discipline I can sense the bad feeling on both our parts go away and we came out on the other side with a renewal.

      Reply
  6. I’ve found that both Michael and I are more considerate of each other’s feelings since starting to do ttwd.

    Reply
    • Zoe

       /  05/02/2012

      That’s nice Grace. And you are right. I think it is a two way street. He is more considerate of me as well.

      Reply

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