Where is the Line?

One of my difficulties with submission is finding the line between asking for him to do what he has told me he will do and feeling like I am nagging him. Where is the line?

 

If he asks me to do something I try hard to do it. Putting our marriage first now means that I do what he asks. I do this for many reasons. I want to please him. I want to make him feel like what is important to him is important to me. It is a sign of respect and obedience. This truly is for emotional more than physical reasons. Sure he has the right to spank if I don’t do as I say I will but more importantly I never want to go back to the place where we act on our own. I don’t want to be independent of him.

 

So what if he is the one who is not doing something that he has said he would do. It is his thing to do, but something that affects us both, or maybe there is information I need but can’t get myself. At what point does asking for the information (again) or asking if he has acted (again) cross the line to nagging? How do I get what I need without it? If I have to type the word “again” doesn’t that necessarily imply nagging. Isn’t nagging itself disrespectful and therefore something he could choose to spank for? So where does that leave me and what am I supposed to do with my own feelings of being disrespected?

 

He just left today on a weeklong business trip. Before he left I did talk to him about this. It actually was kind of an important moment for us I think. We talked and I think he heard me and I am going to do some research to help him make a final decision. I will abide by whatever he decides.

 

It is significant that we were able to discuss this without either of us getting defensive. Before Dd this conversation would have undoubtedly ended in an argument. Because of our agreement, because we have agreed to respect each other we were able to talk. We are both serious about Dd and that means he holds himself to standards at least as high as those he holds me to. Framing the conversation within Dd allowed us to talk without dismissing either of our feelings. I think it gave us each something to lean on.

It’s a real step forward.

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4 Comments

  1. This is hard for us to. Mine forgets, quite literally. I get all worked up about reminding him only to find out he didn’t remember. LOL, that’s not to say that I never nag anymore. I try not to but still do from time to time.

    Reply
  2. I think in the beginning it’s not only OK to tell them what we need, but pretty much necessary. I think it can get tricky at times though.
    Like Susie, I have gotten all worked up if H missed doing what he said he would do. It gets to be less and less as we have more experience.

    About how often to ask; If we just leave them to figure it out- often they do. But we won’t know unless we let go a bit. I don’t mean that we shouldn’t ever say anything, we just need to say and then step back. I think nagging is saying the same thing over and over hoping that they will just do it to stop the nagging. It would be manipulative if we did things that way. It doesn’t sound like this is what you’re doing at all.

    I think it’s great that you seem to be able to talk about things so well. It *is* so nice when we can communicate with one another in a nice way. I too put H and our marriage above all else.

    How nice for you to have your son home. I have two teen boys and it’s true- they eat us out of house and home! lol Enjoy! feeding him!

    Reply
    • Zoe

       /  03/05/2012

      Elysia, because I had to ask him several times about doing something I was really feeling like I was pushing to the point that he would do it just to not hear me ask again which is what I was concerned about. Our talk helped and we’re OK now.

      Reply

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